Our last game of the regular season was Monday, against Smurfageddon. The winner took second place in our Conference for the regular season while the loser finished third. It was a very, very good game, probably the best I've played in or seen all season. We, being us this season, spotted them a 6-3 (I think?) lead going into the bottom of the fifth inning. We then managed to close the gap to 6-5 and load the bases with two outs and yours truly at the plate.
What happened next was the Grand Bull Moose Award winner of mixed blessings:
- I lined a single to left-center field, in front of their best defender.
- He almost fell while trying to field the ball (I put some spin on it, and it sliced away from him), which would have won the game.
- He kept his balance and his composure, and had the presence of mind to run to second base (none of his fielders were covering the base) and step on it about a quarter step before our runner from first could get there.
So, we lost 6-5, but the last play was basically what good kickball was all about - I did what I needed to do and our runner ran as fast as she possibly could; their fielder just made exactly the right play.
Final regular season record: 5-3, and the overall No. 6 seed (of 16 teams) for the playoffs. Since two of our three losses were by one run each, I actually think we can go very far this postseason IF (and this is turning out to be a big if) we can play with focus and intensity for five full innings. We seem to sleepwalk through the first three innings or so, believing that we can just "turn it on" when we need to. Sometimes we can, and sometimes (like on Monday) we can't.
We play The Mean Girls 'N' Boys Next Door on Monday at 8:05 p.m. in a rematch of one of those "flip the switch" games where we needed a late comeback to avoid losing to a team we're much better than. If I need to be more intense and focused myself to make sure the team is in the right frame of mind for the playoffs, so be it - I don't care if Kareenah thinks I'm "angry" when I play like that. We're too good not to go far in the playoffs this season.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
Don't Fill Up On Bread
There is a moment that happens at buffet restaurants. It's a turning point. See, at first buffets are nebulous experiences. You're assaulted with steak and pie and maybe Cap'n Crunch. This is a metaphor, usually nobody throws food at you. But like a food fight, it's coming at you from all angles and you've got to decide where to start. Pace yourself and try a little of everything just don't fill up on bread.
If you pace yourself too long you'll reach the paradox of being full yet unsatisfied. It's like you've made so many good friends with cornbread, pasta salad and mashed potatos but never found that deep connection with barbecue ribs. Your experience is incomplete.
The same thing happens on pub crawls or in Las Vegas when you keep saying, "Oh, I'm going to have a drink later." Before you know it, it's Sunday morning or the last Redline train is heading back to North Hollywood and sure, you saved a couple of bucks, but you never got to that make-an-ass-of-yourself-in-public point that makes the experience worthwhile.
You've got to locate the moment right before the enormous nature of the experience lulls you to sleep. That's where you end your sampling and moderation. Kick the opening act off the stage and get to the main event. You've got to stand on a bar stool and say, "I'm having a shot of Goldschlager AND a Pabst Blue Ribbon, RIGHT NOW! (please)". Then head out onto Hollywood Boulevard to make some questionable decisions because that is the recipe for a moment worth remembering.
Take that as you will.
If you pace yourself too long you'll reach the paradox of being full yet unsatisfied. It's like you've made so many good friends with cornbread, pasta salad and mashed potatos but never found that deep connection with barbecue ribs. Your experience is incomplete.
The same thing happens on pub crawls or in Las Vegas when you keep saying, "Oh, I'm going to have a drink later." Before you know it, it's Sunday morning or the last Redline train is heading back to North Hollywood and sure, you saved a couple of bucks, but you never got to that make-an-ass-of-yourself-in-public point that makes the experience worthwhile.
You've got to locate the moment right before the enormous nature of the experience lulls you to sleep. That's where you end your sampling and moderation. Kick the opening act off the stage and get to the main event. You've got to stand on a bar stool and say, "I'm having a shot of Goldschlager AND a Pabst Blue Ribbon, RIGHT NOW! (please)". Then head out onto Hollywood Boulevard to make some questionable decisions because that is the recipe for a moment worth remembering.
Take that as you will.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Being a Pussy
I have terrible manners. Several kickballers know this, even friends like "Smidty" from Hollywood's Little Lebowski's, Christian on Redrum or Kevin from Dogtown's Pregnant Cheerleaders.
Rarely, I'll go an entire game without even saying a negative word to a teammate. Last night, I didn't say much. Cameron and I quietly corrected a misapplied rule, otherwise nothing happened.
Then there was the 5th inning. We've already got a 3-0 lead and I made the questionable decision to run home after a caught pop fly caught 7 feet from where I was standing. The outfielder had subconsciously given me the "go ahead and run because I'm not going to do anything about it" look. So, I did and was called safe in a close play at the plate. No argument from the opposition. The next kicker comes up. First base ump whispers to home plate and I'm called out. A brief perplexed look and protest followed. Especially telling was that the opposition didn't fight for the new ruling and quietly accepted it.
After the game, I pointed out to the home plate ump that he rules home plate like the heroic ump signaling "safe" in the Norman Rockwell painting. He asked if I felt the first base ump "could not see the play from 60 feet away". I said I'd prefer to be judged from 5 inches away. Yes, the game's over and we won. Not the point.
Next, I learned what unconvincing hearsay I was called out on, "I said I THOUGHT it hit you." the 1st base ump said, then added, "I didn't know if it was before or after you touched the base though." He said he couldn't quite see where the base was. He WAS 60 feet away after all.
This isn't even "reasonable doubt" to overturn the call. This was reasonable doubt's retarded cousin "Unreasonable Belief". Nonsense.
So, naturally, instead of leaving the field with a "whatevs". I mumbled for the ump to fornicate himself. He returned the wishes. I told him to perform the act with extra enthusiasm on himself, which he advised me I would probably enjoy too much. I lobbed the whimsical suggestion of using his face and an icicle. He chose to end the discussion.
Towards the end of the exchange, I obviously realized I was being a douche and hinted at that with increasingly ludicrous ideas. Naturally I felt bad but enjoyed the creative exercise of taking insults into unusual territory. My opinion on the non-ruling is pretty solid but my behavior needs adjusting. I took the first opportunity at the bar to tell the ump "I have terrible manners. You're a good guy. I'm sorry, it's just what I do." Now, I'm not resigned to the way I act or always proud of it but I do like having a little fire and passion. Listen, if the ship's sinking, you'd want me on the crew. I'll never lose that but I'm always trying to apply it more positively. It'll take a lifetime but I think I'm getting better.
Rarely, I'll go an entire game without even saying a negative word to a teammate. Last night, I didn't say much. Cameron and I quietly corrected a misapplied rule, otherwise nothing happened.
Then there was the 5th inning. We've already got a 3-0 lead and I made the questionable decision to run home after a caught pop fly caught 7 feet from where I was standing. The outfielder had subconsciously given me the "go ahead and run because I'm not going to do anything about it" look. So, I did and was called safe in a close play at the plate. No argument from the opposition. The next kicker comes up. First base ump whispers to home plate and I'm called out. A brief perplexed look and protest followed. Especially telling was that the opposition didn't fight for the new ruling and quietly accepted it.
After the game, I pointed out to the home plate ump that he rules home plate like the heroic ump signaling "safe" in the Norman Rockwell painting. He asked if I felt the first base ump "could not see the play from 60 feet away". I said I'd prefer to be judged from 5 inches away. Yes, the game's over and we won. Not the point.
Next, I learned what unconvincing hearsay I was called out on, "I said I THOUGHT it hit you." the 1st base ump said, then added, "I didn't know if it was before or after you touched the base though." He said he couldn't quite see where the base was. He WAS 60 feet away after all.
This isn't even "reasonable doubt" to overturn the call. This was reasonable doubt's retarded cousin "Unreasonable Belief". Nonsense.
So, naturally, instead of leaving the field with a "whatevs". I mumbled for the ump to fornicate himself. He returned the wishes. I told him to perform the act with extra enthusiasm on himself, which he advised me I would probably enjoy too much. I lobbed the whimsical suggestion of using his face and an icicle. He chose to end the discussion.
Towards the end of the exchange, I obviously realized I was being a douche and hinted at that with increasingly ludicrous ideas. Naturally I felt bad but enjoyed the creative exercise of taking insults into unusual territory. My opinion on the non-ruling is pretty solid but my behavior needs adjusting. I took the first opportunity at the bar to tell the ump "I have terrible manners. You're a good guy. I'm sorry, it's just what I do." Now, I'm not resigned to the way I act or always proud of it but I do like having a little fire and passion. Listen, if the ship's sinking, you'd want me on the crew. I'll never lose that but I'm always trying to apply it more positively. It'll take a lifetime but I think I'm getting better.
Game 7 vs. Hype
Everyone played really well. There wasn't much to say. But i'll try anyway.
We opened up a 1 to 0 lead in the first on some fancy base running by myself and Adam J. I kicked a single, just over the head of the 1st baseman (what we were practicing in...well, in practice) and while they were diddling themselves with the ball, I ran to 2nd before they threw it back to the pitcher. Horray!
Adam J. ran the bases well, and frigg'n booked to home. I forget which kick it was on, but he caught 'em not looking.
Hype had good defense and got on base a few times, but never took advantage. They are an athletic team that really needs someone that can drive the ball far to bring in runs.
Cameron kicked a great line drive that was caught by fingertips at a girl's feet. He was bummed.
Tyler kicked a MONSTER fly ball, that was also caught by the same girl. He was bummed.
Scott kicked a ball, that I don't think he realized he kicked. It went fair, and he booked to 1st. Later on, he was also sneaky, and while on 3rd base, took advantage of a Hype player whose back was turned and he slid into home. He was totally safe. The ump at home thought he was safe, but the 1st base umpire said he "saw it hit him". Needless to say, it was kind of B.S. And well, ask Scott about it. Lets just say the words "fuck you harder" were said. And maybe "fuck you with an icicle".
Oh, Adam G. and Joe turned a double play to end the game, that was totally NOT a bummer.
We opened up a 1 to 0 lead in the first on some fancy base running by myself and Adam J. I kicked a single, just over the head of the 1st baseman (what we were practicing in...well, in practice) and while they were diddling themselves with the ball, I ran to 2nd before they threw it back to the pitcher. Horray!
Adam J. ran the bases well, and frigg'n booked to home. I forget which kick it was on, but he caught 'em not looking.
Hype had good defense and got on base a few times, but never took advantage. They are an athletic team that really needs someone that can drive the ball far to bring in runs.
Cameron kicked a great line drive that was caught by fingertips at a girl's feet. He was bummed.
Tyler kicked a MONSTER fly ball, that was also caught by the same girl. He was bummed.
Scott kicked a ball, that I don't think he realized he kicked. It went fair, and he booked to 1st. Later on, he was also sneaky, and while on 3rd base, took advantage of a Hype player whose back was turned and he slid into home. He was totally safe. The ump at home thought he was safe, but the 1st base umpire said he "saw it hit him". Needless to say, it was kind of B.S. And well, ask Scott about it. Lets just say the words "fuck you harder" were said. And maybe "fuck you with an icicle".
Oh, Adam G. and Joe turned a double play to end the game, that was totally NOT a bummer.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Week 6 Game: AHN vs. MGBND
On Monday, we played a team called the Mean Girls 'n Boys Next Door. I'm a big proponent for calling a team what they are named. I get my knickers in a twist when we're referred to as "the ninjas". Oh, also, there is a guy on Uno Mas who ALWAYS asks me "What team are you on?" and I ALWAYS say "Awesome Helicopter Ninjas" and he says "I thought you were just 'the Ninjas' " and...well, on and on.
ANYWAY, so yeah, we played the Mean Girls 'n Boys Next Door. They are one of those teams that play better than you think they will play. Good kickers. Good base runners. Good defense. We beat 'em, but it was in the bottom of the 5th, when we were down 3-2. We managed to load up the bases on great kicks by Scott P., Adam G, Megan and Joe. Someone else too. Joe ended up kicking in the winning run, so big "ups" to Joe.
But this is about ME! So, fuck you, Joe. I had the idea that we all play the first inning blind folded. This idea was probably very very...very poor, you know...in embryo, so it was nixed. So I convinced Scott to let me pitch the first inning blind folded. That is called 'compromise'. Look it up.
Yeah, it didn't go so well. Well, it didn't go BAD, it was just a pain and slowed things down. In hindsight...I should have kicked blind folded as well. But you know, hindsight. I think the problem we've had this season is that we've been wanting to do a lot of shenanigans, but keep getting bogged down by winning the game. Or at least, get put into a position early on where we're down, so our heads are not about the stupid, but about the kickball. I know, weird.
We also had some bad overthrowing mistakes. That seems to be the theme of this season. Forget the Rise of the Machines. It's 'Awesome Helicopter Ninjas and the Overthrowing of Azkaban'.
Stupid...dementors.
Also, Jack and I umped the next game: Redrum vs. Trey Stafford Explosion, and a girl got a ball to the face. And that was fun. First one I've seen all season. Horray!
Next week we play "Hype" and I know jack about crap about them.
ANYWAY, so yeah, we played the Mean Girls 'n Boys Next Door. They are one of those teams that play better than you think they will play. Good kickers. Good base runners. Good defense. We beat 'em, but it was in the bottom of the 5th, when we were down 3-2. We managed to load up the bases on great kicks by Scott P., Adam G, Megan and Joe. Someone else too. Joe ended up kicking in the winning run, so big "ups" to Joe.
But this is about ME! So, fuck you, Joe. I had the idea that we all play the first inning blind folded. This idea was probably very very...very poor, you know...in embryo, so it was nixed. So I convinced Scott to let me pitch the first inning blind folded. That is called 'compromise'. Look it up.
Yeah, it didn't go so well. Well, it didn't go BAD, it was just a pain and slowed things down. In hindsight...I should have kicked blind folded as well. But you know, hindsight. I think the problem we've had this season is that we've been wanting to do a lot of shenanigans, but keep getting bogged down by winning the game. Or at least, get put into a position early on where we're down, so our heads are not about the stupid, but about the kickball. I know, weird.
We also had some bad overthrowing mistakes. That seems to be the theme of this season. Forget the Rise of the Machines. It's 'Awesome Helicopter Ninjas and the Overthrowing of Azkaban'.
Stupid...dementors.
Also, Jack and I umped the next game: Redrum vs. Trey Stafford Explosion, and a girl got a ball to the face. And that was fun. First one I've seen all season. Horray!
Next week we play "Hype" and I know jack about crap about them.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
WAKA $TREET KID
Ha, Richard! I got here first!
Methinks it may cut a little to close to the bone for WAKA's liking. But you know, if they say "yeah, we don't want to put that in there" they should remember that because this is a social activity, we are friends with oh, EVERYONE.
This image was just about 100% Richard. I just cobbled it together for the Studio Newsletter. Why am I posting it here? Well, lets just say there may be a chance that WAKA brass may "frown" upon it.
Ok, a little backstory: Once upon a time, I decided to write the newsletter, then went all crazy, and turned each into a magazine of sorts. This lastest one was Electronic Kicking Monthly (I think I mentioned it in an earlier post, but I digress) and was video game themed. Richard, was all "have you ever heard of Wall Street Kid, also, lick my nuts". And I said "No.", to both. The end result was this. A fake advert for a shitty video game...
(Editor's Note: Click to see full-sized version)
(Editor's Note: Click to see full-sized version)
Monday, April 02, 2007
No Game Tonight
It's Seder, so happy Seder to all of the Ninjas' Jewish friends. This means that we don't have an official game, although the Gentiles amongst us will be practicing at the park and probably working on some other stuff.
To hold you over, here's an appearance by Scott on NoHo Tonight (I think it's either a cable access show, or something on The CW) last week in advance of our game against Redrum. As you can see, the tips didn't help.
At any rate, watch and enjoy!
To hold you over, here's an appearance by Scott on NoHo Tonight (I think it's either a cable access show, or something on The CW) last week in advance of our game against Redrum. As you can see, the tips didn't help.
At any rate, watch and enjoy!
Friday, March 30, 2007
EKM: Preview
As you know, I do the newsletter for the division. By do, I mean have vigorous sex with, then send out to the 300 plus people as sloppy...I guess seconds through threehundreds.
Each week this season we've done a different themed "magazine" of sorts. We had "Kick Fancy", "Cosmoballitan", "Kicks & Ammo" and "Martha Stewart Kicking". They take a whole lot of time. Usually while i'm working, so that's cool.
BECAUSE I love the Ninjas more than anything (sorry Mommy), I'm giving you (yes YOU) the Awesome Helicopter Ninja Blog reader a small sample of what will be in the next issue.
Under the "Classic Gaming Section"
Spitzy Kong:
"There are some games that are such a part of Studio gaming culture, that you can't help but associate the two. Certainly Super Manfredi Bros., Tecmo Kickball and Alex Kidd in Shirley's World are some of the standouts from the early days of console video games. But none are as iconic as Nintendo's Spitzy Kong. Its a classic tale. Spitzy Kong kidnaps the fair maiden, bartender Saana, as Scotty Jones tries to rescue her. Along the way, he dodges kickballs hurled by the beast, making his way up the crooked iron scaffolding to sweep her to safety.
What sets this game apart is it's endless game play. We never get tired of hearing of the constant battles between Spitzy Kong and Scotty Jones. Over and over. And OVER and OVER. To the point where you almost don't want to think about these two characters. But you keep coming back for more. Will Scotty flip the bird to Spitzy at the top of the ramp? Will he grab the ninja swords and cut the deadly balls down? Or will Spitzy knock the crap out of Scotty with his fearsome rage? You don't know. I don't know. All I do know is that this game is much better than Spitzy Kong Jr. "
Each week this season we've done a different themed "magazine" of sorts. We had "Kick Fancy", "Cosmoballitan", "Kicks & Ammo" and "Martha Stewart Kicking". They take a whole lot of time. Usually while i'm working, so that's cool.
BECAUSE I love the Ninjas more than anything (sorry Mommy), I'm giving you (yes YOU) the Awesome Helicopter Ninja Blog reader a small sample of what will be in the next issue.
Under the "Classic Gaming Section"
Spitzy Kong:
"There are some games that are such a part of Studio gaming culture, that you can't help but associate the two. Certainly Super Manfredi Bros., Tecmo Kickball and Alex Kidd in Shirley's World are some of the standouts from the early days of console video games. But none are as iconic as Nintendo's Spitzy Kong. Its a classic tale. Spitzy Kong kidnaps the fair maiden, bartender Saana, as Scotty Jones tries to rescue her. Along the way, he dodges kickballs hurled by the beast, making his way up the crooked iron scaffolding to sweep her to safety.
What sets this game apart is it's endless game play. We never get tired of hearing of the constant battles between Spitzy Kong and Scotty Jones. Over and over. And OVER and OVER. To the point where you almost don't want to think about these two characters. But you keep coming back for more. Will Scotty flip the bird to Spitzy at the top of the ramp? Will he grab the ninja swords and cut the deadly balls down? Or will Spitzy knock the crap out of Scotty with his fearsome rage? You don't know. I don't know. All I do know is that this game is much better than Spitzy Kong Jr. "
Thursday, March 29, 2007
"...by the Awesome Helicopter Ninjas."
Tyler Granlund: Valley Girl. Mustache Contest Winner. Flip-cup Champion. Friend of the Ninjas.
He sent me this article he found today, from Entertainment Weekly.
Since its kinda hard to read, here is what the "Backstory" thing says on the bottom right:
"Last year, CSI's Jorja Fox and Eric Szmanda (above) were teammates on an Adult Kickball League team called the Royal Blue Balls. How did the actors fare on the court? So-so: The Balls were eliminated from competition in the semifinals. "
The article should have ended with "...by the Awesome Helicopter Ninjas, who went on to wint he championship that season, even though their season was even soer-so that the Balls."
Well, I can't wait till we play them on the "court" again. Hopefully, the end score can be 40-Love. Or I can perform a slam-dunk through the goal posts to Birdie the last hole.
Things Announcers Would Say if The Awesome Helicopter Ninjas Were In The NCAA Basketball Tournament Instead Of Kickball
"Well, I think Georgetown's 7'2" center Roy Hibbert would definitely have posed a challenge for the Ninjas down low. But, of course, we all have certainly by now heard of how his Achilles' tendon was mysteriously slashed by an unknown assailant on the way to the arena tonight."
-----------------
"North Carolina needs a three to tie. Martin gets it in the corner and fires a shot that is...wait, the ball popped in midair! It appears to have been shot down by...some sort of a blow dart."
-----------------
"Now watch this: Winfield is going to set a screen...I'm mean, it's a smoke screen, so I guess that's what you would call it. At any rate, the Kansas defenders can't find the ball in the confusion, and Love-Smith goes in uncontested for the easy lay-up."
"I think that has to be called a "Moving Screen", Jim."
-----------------
"Oh my God, is Scott Jones humping the UCLA Bruin mascot?!?"
-----------------
"Well, this is an interesting offense set: the Ninjas appear to be...maybe...YES! They are stacking themselves one on top of each other! I've never seen this before, Billy!"
"It's like they are chicken fighting, John."
"I think that's Cameron Davis on the top of this mass of Ninjas. He has the ball, and he must be 15 feet off the ground. He's got it...and it's a double somersault, 1080 spin slam dunk!!!"
-----------------
"This is incredible! You saw a few minutes ago that both teams mysteriously walked off the court with 10 minutes to go in the half. Now, only the Ninjas have returned, and they are scoring uncontested basket after basket! Let's go to Erin Andrews on the sidelines to find out what in the world is happening."
"Thanks, Dick. Apparently, at the last TV timeout, the Ninjas convinced the Blue Devils that the half was over. Apparently, they made a compelling case that the NCAA decided to have halves be 10 minutes long instead of 20 'to conserve energy as a way to fight global warming.' The Blue Devils have realized that they've been tricked, but the Ninjas weld all of the doors in the locker room shut before returning to the court."
-----------------
"Is that...does that bottle on the Ninjas bench say 'FLUBBER'?"
-----------------
"The Ninjas have promised an entrance for the championship games that, in their words, 'knocks the cock off' of anything they've done before. And here they come now, The Awesome Helicop...Oh My Mord, No! No ! No, no, no!"
"Oh, this is terrible..."
"I can't believe what I'm seeing. This is just..."
"Wow!"
-----------------
"North Carolina needs a three to tie. Martin gets it in the corner and fires a shot that is...wait, the ball popped in midair! It appears to have been shot down by...some sort of a blow dart."
-----------------
"Now watch this: Winfield is going to set a screen...I'm mean, it's a smoke screen, so I guess that's what you would call it. At any rate, the Kansas defenders can't find the ball in the confusion, and Love-Smith goes in uncontested for the easy lay-up."
"I think that has to be called a "Moving Screen", Jim."
-----------------
"Oh my God, is Scott Jones humping the UCLA Bruin mascot?!?"
-----------------
"Well, this is an interesting offense set: the Ninjas appear to be...maybe...YES! They are stacking themselves one on top of each other! I've never seen this before, Billy!"
"It's like they are chicken fighting, John."
"I think that's Cameron Davis on the top of this mass of Ninjas. He has the ball, and he must be 15 feet off the ground. He's got it...and it's a double somersault, 1080 spin slam dunk!!!"
-----------------
"This is incredible! You saw a few minutes ago that both teams mysteriously walked off the court with 10 minutes to go in the half. Now, only the Ninjas have returned, and they are scoring uncontested basket after basket! Let's go to Erin Andrews on the sidelines to find out what in the world is happening."
"Thanks, Dick. Apparently, at the last TV timeout, the Ninjas convinced the Blue Devils that the half was over. Apparently, they made a compelling case that the NCAA decided to have halves be 10 minutes long instead of 20 'to conserve energy as a way to fight global warming.' The Blue Devils have realized that they've been tricked, but the Ninjas weld all of the doors in the locker room shut before returning to the court."
-----------------
"Is that...does that bottle on the Ninjas bench say 'FLUBBER'?"
-----------------
"The Ninjas have promised an entrance for the championship games that, in their words, 'knocks the cock off' of anything they've done before. And here they come now, The Awesome Helicop...Oh My Mord, No! No ! No, no, no!"
"Oh, this is terrible..."
"I can't believe what I'm seeing. This is just..."
"Wow!"
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
A pyrotechnics flash gun
Is it dangerous? Well, it shoots flames out of your hands 10 to 15 feet in the air. Do I want one? Sweet Christ, do I! If I buy one, then I need some sort of speaker system hooked up to me so that I can play "The Final Countdown" anytime I need to.
I could also have billows of smoke coming out of my hands, but why settle for ground beef when you can have fillet, right?
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
The Magic Returns
It's back people.
For the last few months, our antics seemed passe to me. We win a ton of games, then throw smoke bombs and confetti. It was fun, it was celebration but the act was getting old, we were looking like a Dennis Rodman parody of ourselves. You've also got to consider the other teams' point of view: Damn Ninjas keep winning and rubbing it in our faces. Of course, if this is your point of view you probably don't know me and I shouldn't be offended that you'd think my love of theatrics has any impure motives. But hey, I understand, losing stinks and nobody wants to be reminded of it.
So now we didn't win a third straight championship (Boo-Hoo, I know) and we're 3-2 this season, finally gift wrapping a close game to Redrum (three things will change before next game) and I feel we've drifted off the radar again. Nobody has us in their sights anymore. The pressure to win is gone and I finally feel like dusting off the confetti gun. In fact, I feel like killing the lights at the park and projecting epic pre-game video to the tune of Van Hagar's "Right Now" onto a paper sheet and then crashing through it at a climactic moment. I want to perform trick plays that defy strategy, logic and public nusiance laws.
A carnival of mayhem!
For months I've lamented that other new leagues I've visited around the area have that special early-days-of-kickball feeling that's missing lately. I had been blaming the decline on too many players or too much competition. Now I'm pretty sure it was part my fault and part the natural pressure that comes from winning. After a while you're just relived to NOT lose a game. So, now the confetti gun is back, we can ease into the smoke bombs and surely we'll think of some new bull crap.
Don't get too excited if you've got us on the schedule, we're still going to play to win.
For the last few months, our antics seemed passe to me. We win a ton of games, then throw smoke bombs and confetti. It was fun, it was celebration but the act was getting old, we were looking like a Dennis Rodman parody of ourselves. You've also got to consider the other teams' point of view: Damn Ninjas keep winning and rubbing it in our faces. Of course, if this is your point of view you probably don't know me and I shouldn't be offended that you'd think my love of theatrics has any impure motives. But hey, I understand, losing stinks and nobody wants to be reminded of it.
So now we didn't win a third straight championship (Boo-Hoo, I know) and we're 3-2 this season, finally gift wrapping a close game to Redrum (three things will change before next game) and I feel we've drifted off the radar again. Nobody has us in their sights anymore. The pressure to win is gone and I finally feel like dusting off the confetti gun. In fact, I feel like killing the lights at the park and projecting epic pre-game video to the tune of Van Hagar's "Right Now" onto a paper sheet and then crashing through it at a climactic moment. I want to perform trick plays that defy strategy, logic and public nusiance laws.
A carnival of mayhem!
For months I've lamented that other new leagues I've visited around the area have that special early-days-of-kickball feeling that's missing lately. I had been blaming the decline on too many players or too much competition. Now I'm pretty sure it was part my fault and part the natural pressure that comes from winning. After a while you're just relived to NOT lose a game. So, now the confetti gun is back, we can ease into the smoke bombs and surely we'll think of some new bull crap.
Don't get too excited if you've got us on the schedule, we're still going to play to win.
Trouble we caused last night
- Shushed people who were trying to play Flip Cup while we were having our Book Club.
- Pantsed someone from Redrum as they were standing on a chair in front of everyone trying to get their attention to start the charity gift basket auction.
- Stood there while said guy from Redrum went red in the face from screaming at us in a threatening manner.
- Stole a gift basket from the table when everyone was watching Flip Cup, only to realize that no one noticed and we actually could steal it. Then bringing the gift basket back along with all of the contents EXCEPT FOR A STICKY NOTE PAD. (Take that, Boys and Girls Club! How are you going to write memos to yourselves now? Huh?)
- Wrote helpful addition words and phrases to descriptions of gift baskets, such as "penis" and "nutsack".
- Made up for it by way overpaying for one of the gift baskets.
- Had to be talked out of beating the holy crap out of one girl on Redrum who was talking shit about someone from another team who might be the nicest, sweetest girl in the Division.
- Drank water straight from the nozzle gun behind the bar rather than waiting for bartender to get a glass of water (and I mean shooting water straight into the mouth, not just putting into another glass).
Amazingly enough, I wasn't involved in all of these things, just some of them, mainly the pantsing, the shushing and the stealing of charity gifts. The pantsing was interesting, because I believed that the target in question had the type of sense of humor where he would find that amusing. (A married, female player on another team mentioned after the fact that "I have pictures of his pubes from one of our parties", so I find it difficult to believe that his Puritanical sensibilities were crushed.)
He didn't find it funny, and I took the brunt of his anger. Which was great, since there were two of us who took part in things, but someone decided to be a "Ninja" and sneak away and leave me to take the heat. Pretty funny.
In completely, totally, 100 percent unrelated news, Adam Joseph molests raccoons.
So I wasn't involved in everything last night, just some things. This truly was a team effort in havoc-raising, and I'll let those responsible for the other parts of the evening explain themselves.
There's no game next week because of Passover, although there's a strong change that we'll practice on Monday night instead. And for our next game in two weeks: the return of smoke bombs, confetti guns and trick plays. If we're going to be a .500 team, we might as well do it in "style".
(And by "style" I mean "appalling taste and sense of decency".)
- Pantsed someone from Redrum as they were standing on a chair in front of everyone trying to get their attention to start the charity gift basket auction.
- Stood there while said guy from Redrum went red in the face from screaming at us in a threatening manner.
- Stole a gift basket from the table when everyone was watching Flip Cup, only to realize that no one noticed and we actually could steal it. Then bringing the gift basket back along with all of the contents EXCEPT FOR A STICKY NOTE PAD. (Take that, Boys and Girls Club! How are you going to write memos to yourselves now? Huh?)
- Wrote helpful addition words and phrases to descriptions of gift baskets, such as "penis" and "nutsack".
- Made up for it by way overpaying for one of the gift baskets.
- Had to be talked out of beating the holy crap out of one girl on Redrum who was talking shit about someone from another team who might be the nicest, sweetest girl in the Division.
- Drank water straight from the nozzle gun behind the bar rather than waiting for bartender to get a glass of water (and I mean shooting water straight into the mouth, not just putting into another glass).
Amazingly enough, I wasn't involved in all of these things, just some of them, mainly the pantsing, the shushing and the stealing of charity gifts. The pantsing was interesting, because I believed that the target in question had the type of sense of humor where he would find that amusing. (A married, female player on another team mentioned after the fact that "I have pictures of his pubes from one of our parties", so I find it difficult to believe that his Puritanical sensibilities were crushed.)
He didn't find it funny, and I took the brunt of his anger. Which was great, since there were two of us who took part in things, but someone decided to be a "Ninja" and sneak away and leave me to take the heat. Pretty funny.
In completely, totally, 100 percent unrelated news, Adam Joseph molests raccoons.
So I wasn't involved in everything last night, just some things. This truly was a team effort in havoc-raising, and I'll let those responsible for the other parts of the evening explain themselves.
There's no game next week because of Passover, although there's a strong change that we'll practice on Monday night instead. And for our next game in two weeks: the return of smoke bombs, confetti guns and trick plays. If we're going to be a .500 team, we might as well do it in "style".
(And by "style" I mean "appalling taste and sense of decency".)
Redrum 2, Awesome Helicopter Ninjas 1
Well, we lost. You know why?
Sam.
Sam didn't show up, it was his "birthday" or something. Thanks a lot, Sam. I hope your cake was filled with um, blood.
And poison.
We had a bit of trouble with backing players up on the overthrow, on the two occasions it happened, a run scored or a runner advanced. So, um, yeah. We'll have to work on that.
That being said, there were more important things going on.
I speak of the Awesome Helicopter Ninja Book Club meeting that took place at the bar after the game.
I feel that there was a deeper, Faustian struggle than was was origionally presented on the surface in Pikachu's Day. This was seen in the torment of battle between Pikachu and Charmander. It reveled that in war there are no winners and losers, only tiers. Also, he is still super cute.
Sam.
Sam didn't show up, it was his "birthday" or something. Thanks a lot, Sam. I hope your cake was filled with um, blood.
And poison.
We had a bit of trouble with backing players up on the overthrow, on the two occasions it happened, a run scored or a runner advanced. So, um, yeah. We'll have to work on that.
That being said, there were more important things going on.
I speak of the Awesome Helicopter Ninja Book Club meeting that took place at the bar after the game.
Joe was reading up on some finer aspects of Ninja Mind Control. A romance novel of sorts, set in the thrilling age of midevil Scotland. Nah, its basically a HOW TO for aspiring Ninjas. Its pretty rad. Basically it tells you how to beat ass, hard. Also, the ancient art of nut grabbing.
Scott was parusing the ever delightful Real Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book by Robert Hamburger. The Ninja in RUP is a scamp that should be held up with other iconing american teenagers like Ton Sawyer or Mushmouth. He represents the innocence of the American youth. He is Johnny Tremain, without the horrible deformity. But basically its a fun book about the insanity of one boy's obsession with Ninjas. Everyone should read it.
I feel that there was a deeper, Faustian struggle than was was origionally presented on the surface in Pikachu's Day. This was seen in the torment of battle between Pikachu and Charmander. It reveled that in war there are no winners and losers, only tiers. Also, he is still super cute.
Richard was reading a menu from El Pollo Loco by William Shakespere. It was his last menu ever written. Some say that The Tempest was Shakespere's last great work, and that Prospero one of his greatest creations, but Richard will argue that it was Taquito's humanity that sets it apart from the rest.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Redrum Game Day Special: Free Memorabilia with Fan Club Memberships
As a way to get some good karma heading into our big match-up tonight, I'm letting you all know about an exclusive offer: the next five people who sign up for the Army of Awesome (the Official Fan Club of the Ninjas) will not only receive the usual cool crap for their $5 membership fees (including a sticker, button, autographed photo, membership card) but will also receive AUTHENTIC GAME-USED NINJAS MEMORABILIA! This could mean a headband worn by yours truly during one of our legendary playoff runs...or a kickball that was popped by Tyler Foster because he kicked it so hard...or one of Cameron Davis' suspenders. Who knows? But it will be something that is suitable for framing and placing in your game room or conservatory.
Remember, this offer is only good for the next five people who sign up for the Army of Awesome, so make sure that you do it NOW!!!
Remember, this offer is only good for the next five people who sign up for the Army of Awesome, so make sure that you do it NOW!!!
Tonight's...game (question mark)
Tonight is scheduled to be the big interconference match-up between us and Redrum (Grass Field, 7:15 p.m., ESPN2). Obviously, it's a big game, since there apparently is still some sort of rivalry between the two teams, even though we've beaten them the last four times we've played. But, it's Redrum, and they come in fully expecting to win. Somehow, we need to convince them they are the favorites, and that we, once again, are the scrappy underdogs.
The problem right now is the weather. For the first time all season, we're in serious danger of being rained out. The storm that was supposed to hit this weekend didn't, but it's expected to roll in...sometime tonight. So, that could mean after the games, during or before. The Weather Channel's hour-by-hour forecast shows that it shouldn't start raining until 10 p.m., which is right on the border for getting all the games completed. We'll update the situation with our NinjaWatch 5000(tm) storm tracking system throughout the afternoon.
The problem right now is the weather. For the first time all season, we're in serious danger of being rained out. The storm that was supposed to hit this weekend didn't, but it's expected to roll in...sometime tonight. So, that could mean after the games, during or before. The Weather Channel's hour-by-hour forecast shows that it shouldn't start raining until 10 p.m., which is right on the border for getting all the games completed. We'll update the situation with our NinjaWatch 5000(tm) storm tracking system throughout the afternoon.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Ryan Dempster, Stud
I don't know if I have the authority to do such things, but I'm going to go out on a limb and name Ryan Dempster of the Chicago Cubs as the Official Baseball Player of The Awesome Helicopter Ninjas. Why? Because the Cubs' closer is apparently in training to be a Ninja.
My favorite part of the story?:
"'It's pretty cool. I wear the outfit around the house and try to sneak up on people,' Dempster deadpanned before the Cubs lost to the Colorado Rockies 4-2."
Which is kind of bullshit: why would you sneak up on people in your own house? If you aren't able to break into other people's houses and sneak up on them, then what kind of half-rate Ninja are you.
Proof that kickball players make better Ninjas than baseball players, I guess. Plus, I would think all the noise from the tobacco spit hitting the ground and the crotches being scratched would be a dead giveaway.
My favorite part of the story?:
"'It's pretty cool. I wear the outfit around the house and try to sneak up on people,' Dempster deadpanned before the Cubs lost to the Colorado Rockies 4-2."
Which is kind of bullshit: why would you sneak up on people in your own house? If you aren't able to break into other people's houses and sneak up on them, then what kind of half-rate Ninja are you.
Proof that kickball players make better Ninjas than baseball players, I guess. Plus, I would think all the noise from the tobacco spit hitting the ground and the crotches being scratched would be a dead giveaway.
Tyler Foster's Feets Of Strength: Everywhere You Want To Be
In Part II of the Feets Of Strength series, we were able to capture some more of Tyler "Bigfoot" Foster's inhuman acts of kickballery.
Tyler Foster once kicked a ball so hard, it traveled around the world, stopping only to pass through immigration.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
UPDATE: E-mail for Ninjas Fan Club Memberships is fixed
I understand that the link that was posted to join the Official Ninjas Fan Club the other day may not have been working. The problem has been fixed. To make sure that everyone is clear, you can send an e-mail to us at ninjasfanclub@gmail.com in order to join the Fan Club. Make sure you include your shipping address and what you would like to order.
Sorry for the inconvenience. I'd like to lie and say this isn't going to happen again, but hey, it's the Ninjas - barely controlled chaos is par for the course.
If anyone has further questions or issues, I wouldn't be surprised.
Sorry for the inconvenience. I'd like to lie and say this isn't going to happen again, but hey, it's the Ninjas - barely controlled chaos is par for the course.
If anyone has further questions or issues, I wouldn't be surprised.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
