The Regular Season pennant is decided next Monday

We've won three games since the last time I've posted. We've played better each week, which makes me hope that we're peaking at the right time. The caveat here is that the games have been against teams that have ranged from average to not very good at all. Yesterday we beat Blackbeard's Ball Buster's 10-1, which looks great on paper. Then when you realize that they are 0-7, it's really basically what we're supposed to do.

I'd like to point out one particularly inspired bit of shenaniganary from last week. Michael built a giant box of chalk, like you would use to chalk up a pool cue. It was about knee high, a square box with blue "chalk" insde. The chalk was made of gardening foam (like you put fake flowers in), spray painted blue and with a circular divit in the middle. Michael and I pounded some blue playground chalk for extra effect. When Michael was up the first time, he deliberately fouled off the first pitch. He then loudly complained that the ball slipped off his foot, and he needed his chalk. So I got it from the dugout, brought it out, and proceeded to chalk up his foot. With blue chalk now covering his shoe, he then went out and...well, popped up. But still, it was a good visual.

So, we're one win away from winning the regular season title. Which is where we were last season when we pulled our choke job against the Valley Girls. This season our opponent is Uno Mas, in a rematch of last season's Division tournament title game. The winner almost certainly will be the regular season champs. This isn't life or death, because we like Uno Mas and wouldn't be upset with seeing them win. Plus, we've weren't regular season champs the last two seasons, but got it done in the playoffs. Still, it would be nice to add another notch to our belts.

New video (not a press conference, but still)...

So, we're still working on the press conference from the week before! We thought we had everything done on Sunday, but due to some additional technical issues (and us being perfectionists), we still need some final work on it. And I doubt there will be a press conference on Monday night's Redrum game because...they had to forfeit for the second straight week. We played a pick-up game anyway, even though it didn't count in the standings.

I would say that it's sad to see Redrum have to forfeit two games in a row because they couldn't field four girls, but I think it's their own fault in a lot of ways. They onyl had five female players to begin with, and one of them apparently will be missing for the rest of the season because of work issues. If you leave yourself no margin of error, this is what happens. (And if they forfeit one more time, they are no eligible for the post-season tournament.)

However, we do have new video content for you today! Scott and I (along with cameraman Michael and costume designer Ashley) went down to the Hollywood Division's park last night to disrupt their end of season All-Star game. Since Scott and I have played in Hollywood before we switched to Studio Division, we still know a lot of people there, and this was done in the spirit of friendly shenanigans. (In fact, we're discussing some sort of mini-tournament with the AS teams of the three main SoCal Divisions - Studio, Hollywood and Dogtown).

56 people thought that our "attack" on their game was funny. One person did not. Needless to say, wackiness and near injury ensues!

New video postponed

The creation and post of this week's press conference has been postponed due to AWESOMENESS! Expect the video to be completed and posted later this weekend.

Taiko drummers

So, I've found a taiko drumming group in San Diego for the World Championships. In order to try and booka group of drummers from their club, there's a form you need to fill out with some really specific information. It seems really complex for me just wanting a couple of people to come and beat on some drums for an hour. I'm seriously contemplating whether this is worth all the bullshit, which is saying something since I always think that anything relating to the Ninjas is worth the bullshit, no matter what it is.

But then again, I think our reputation is starting to proceed us, and we need to do something big at the tournament to keep our reputation as "wacky pranksters". Which I think will also help us in the tournament since no one could possibly take us seriously.

Game Three: Ninjas vs. Rhino Stampede

It's eerie how similar this season is to last season. Our pattern last season was:

Game 1: Lose badly to veteran team
Game 2: Play terribly for first three innings against new team, then rally to win late
Game 3: Remember that it's OK to play well for five innings, and win easily

The exact same thing is happening this season. On Monday we played the Rhino Stampede, who are now in their second season and are getting better. It should have been a good test for us, since we had several good players missing and we somewhat shorthanded. However, like last season, we seem to have clicked during Week 3. We jumped out to a big lead early and basically cruised from there, winding up with an 8-2 victory (and frankly, we probably could have scored more if we had wanted to - we kind of started getting way too aggressive baserunning to the point of being silly and kicking for HRs instead of playing small ball.)

Honestly, it was the best we've played as a team since maybe the first championship game two seasons ago. Which is not to say that we haven't won by more runs, or beaten better teams. What I mean is that I really can't remember any glaring mental errors that happened during the game. Everyone made really smart, sound decisions and it paid off. I think at this point, if we don't beat ourselves, we should win every game.

Also this week in the Division:

- Redrum had to forfeit against Wonderballz because they didn't have enough females! They only have five girls to start with. One of them (Scott's roommate) was out of town this weekend for work, and another had to miss because of Yom Kippur. The Redrum captain tried to get the game postponed because they were missing a girl because of a religious holiday, but that didn't go anywhere. Basically, if you only have five girls on your team (and they like that so they don't have to "clog their line-up" with girls that they think are "easy outs"), you run the risk of this happening. Plus, only one girl missed because of Yom Kippur.

- And, the Valley Girls were beaten soundly by The Trey Stafford Explosion. This was a huge deal based on past history. If you recall, Trey Stafford was the person who had been heckling one of the Valley Girls' best players (Spitz) by reading aloud Spitz's own poetry that he posts on his MySpace. Perhaps the best and most vicious heckling I've heard in kickball. Needless to say, this has turned into a full-blown rivalry, which hasn't meant much since the Valley Girls have been significantly better than the TSE.

Until this week. Final score was 8-4 and I don't even know if it was that close. This was especially sweet to watch because The Valley Girls, as they are frequently capable of doing, had been getting pretty cocky because they were 2-0, and had beaten us in Week 1. (Pride comes before a fall, except in our case, when pride comes before another championship.) I could have told them that beating us in Week 1 is no great shakes since we always lose.

So, when you play really well and win while your two rivals lose, that's pretty much a perfect night.

Ninjas vs. Wonderballz press conference

In case you missed it, here is the latest press conference, done after last week's 8-5 win over the Wonderballz. I would normally have the YouTube link, but apparently Scott is too good to go ahead and upload the video to YouTube.

First win of the season

8-5 over the Wonderballz (or Wonderballerz or Wonderbraz...no matter what, it's a terrible name, so I'm not going to take the time to look it up). And it was as ugly as the final score would indicate. We played down to the level of competition for about three innings until we realized that "Hey, we're better than them - let's start playing like it!"

Not to take anything away from the Wonderblahz (who, although technically a new team, have several people who played on other teams last season), who put up a good fight and have several very good kickers. But there was no reason we should have been down 4-1 after the first inning.

My main comfort is that we have history on our side. Not only have we always lost the first game of the season (as previously documented), it usually takes us about midway through the second game before we start playing like the games count. Last season is a good example: we were trailing Trey Stafford Explosion in Week 2 for most of the game before we decided to stop sucking pipe and start playing. The result? A 5-2 victory that let us go from being "terrible" to "decent".

Personally, my stats looked good: 3-for-3 with two runs (including the game-winner). Denfensively, I was better than Week 1, and had about four or five put-outs or assists. But, I'm probably at only about 80 percent of where I can be. I've noticed that I tend to sometimes assume that kickers aren't going to bunt, meaning I don't get a good jump on any actual bunt. I need to stop doing that. I also need to be less concerned about throwing or kicking the ball away when trying to make a play.

All of that, and also I'm now getting paranoid that I'm going to accidentally get in front of the kicker and have a big kick hit me square in the face. And really, when you have a face like this, you want to protect it.

Michael and I umped the lone 9 p.m. game, which of course started at about 9:20 p.m. Meaning that we were able to spend about one hour at the bar. Which is probably for the best since a) I'm broke until the end of the month and b) I haven't been feeling great since this weekend (reoccuring headaches), so anything more than one or two beers would have been, to borrow a phrase, "a fucking stupid idea".

Speaking of fucking stupid ideas, Scott decided that today is "Fuck Up Day" for him, meaning that he's going to do things that he always wanted to do, but thought were probably bad ideas. This coming from a person with little to no self-control to begin with, and who once teabagged an entire house.

The bottom line is this: I'm not bailing him out at 3 a.m. this morning.

Valley Girls press conference

Just a little bit of history repeating

The Awesome Helicopter Ninjas opened our fourth season the same way we have opened our first three seasons: with a loss. And not a particularly pretty one, either - 8-2 to the Valley Girls. To paraphrase our team inspiration for this season, we've won two championships after losing our Opening Night game, so I'm not sweating it either.

Actually, we played OK for parts of the game (we led 2-0 after one inning). Basically, they made some really precise kicks, and we had some new players (and veterans) drop some balls that I don't think they'll drop again. Especially the new players - I think people either a) get really nervous the first week and make mistakes they eventually learn not to make or b) come in too cocky and think they should be able to be amazing from the start, and have to learn that you do in fact need to concentrate and take it somewhat seriously to do well.

However, despite the loss, I had a really good time. In fact, it was about as much fun as one could have while getting soundly beaten. The Max Fischer Players Edition got off to about as great of a start as I could have hoped for from a theme standpoint. First off, my uniform was top-notch:

- Red beret
- Black glasses
- Blue blazer
- Blue and red tie with dress shirt (with team T-shirt over the dress shirt but with the tie stick out over it)
- Khaki short

I played in everything except the blazer, which would have been a bit too restrictive in terms of making fielding plays. I can't say the uniform (comstume) hurt me at all, but I will say this: it was hot, even at 7:30 at night. It was even really hot at the bar after the game with everything on. I have a new appreciation for Jason Schwartzman and what he must have gone through while filming "Rushmore" while wearing that outfit and being under hot lights.

And the best part was that I wasn't the only person on my team to go with the theme! Of course Scott and Michael didn't get dressed up, but I didn't expect that because they are jerkburgers. But three of our female players did come in schoolgirl outfits (which, I'm sure some of my less classy readers would be very excited to hear about, and...yeah, it was pretty cool.) This included two of our new players, one of whom went the whole nine yards and was basically an exact replica of Margaret Yang. So much so that we kept referring to her as Margaret instead of by her real name all night.

(I had a single in my only AB - I would have had a better kick, but I was distracted by Michael dancing with Dre to "Oh Yoko" as the soundtrack from "Rushmore" was playing on our iPod boom box. Stupid sexy Michael and his sexy dancing.)

Of course, there were smoke bombs. Duh.

And, I have to compliment The Valley Girls on having the highest level of sportsmanship. I know I've ripped on them in the past, but that was before several of our players got to know several of their players really well, and it was actually a lot of fun to play against them, without the usual passive/aggressive BS that both teams usually bring to the game. So kudos to you, Valley Girls.

The bar was fun and really hectic. We now have 14 teams in the Division, which is five more than we've ever had. Unfortunately, that means that not every team is going to play against each other, which really sucks. But McWAKA (my new nickname for WAKA, since they are trying to franchise themselves as the McDonalds of kickball) likes to have 16 team Divisions instead of capping them at, say, eight and starting new Divisions in the area after that. I wouldn't do things that way, but I don't work there. (Thank God.)

So we play one of the new teams next week (Wonderballs), and I think that we'll be properly motivated by a) our poor performance last week and b) the fact that they have a terrible team name.

Oh yeah, we handed out championship rings in a brief pregame ceremony. I'll post pics later in the week - everyone seemed really happy to be rewarded for their hard work.

New season starts tonight

So our opening game is against The Valley Girls, which...I won't say that they are our rivals, because that would make them way too happy. It's sort of like how every team is rivals with Notre Dame or the Raiders, because everyone dislikes them except for their fans? It's like that. Plus, we're two of the Original Four teams left, so there is some history. (And they were the No. 1 team in the regular season, so they are pretty good. Even if we would have beaten them in the regular season finale and have been regular season champs if Scott and Bill weren't both out, but that's just sour grapes.)

Most importantly, it's the official debut of Awesome Helicopter Ninjas: Max Fischer Players. Since we sort of got away from the shenanigans last season, we're vowing to redouble our efforts this season, even if it means not winning as much. (At least, until we get to the playoffs, because the regular season is a tad pointless.) Expect a full report (and judging by Scott's fireworks arsenal, perhaps a fire/police report) tomorrow.

And yes, you did hear someone from WAKA on Kevin & Bean on KROQ this morning. It was Johnny, one of the founders from Washington, DC. I didn't hear it, but apparently he said that the Studio Division season "hadn't started yet" and that there was "still time to join". Which will probably mean a bunch of new people and at least one new team joining before the official cut off date in before the second week, meaning lots of scheduling headaches.

Thanks guys! And maybe it would have been nice to let the local Divisions know about this before it happened, and perhaps use some of us as spokespersons instead of the WAKA Founders, who are 3,000 miles away. Not to prejudge (since I didn't hear it), but I'm almost positive that I, or any Ninja, would have been more entertaining on the radio than Johnny WAKA. Incredibly more entertaining. I suspect that perhaps they were worried that we would be so entertaining and engaging that it would distract from the overall WAKA message.

At least, that's what I'll tell myself as I cry myself to sleep on my giant, kickball-shaped pillow...

Pick-up game

The annual pre-season pickup game was on Monday night, and as usual it was barely controlled chaos. This year was perhaps even worse than usual, since we have so many new people and teams. I believe we're at 280 people and 13 teams, and we had enough people at the pick-up game for six teams.

Once again, I've volunteered for the Division board, even though I always tell myself that I won't after the previous season. However, I'm just a bit too focused on civic duties for my own good. This season, I've agreed to be Rules Chair, since I probably know the rules book better than anyone, and it's a title that doesn't require a ton of weekly work. In keeping with the "Max Fischer Players" theme, however, I have requested that my title be changed to "President, Rules Club".

Speaking of the Max Fischer Players - the uniform for this season is almost complete. I have the beret, blazer and khakis. I also have a shirt and tie, that will be work underneath by "official" WAKA T-shirt. (WAKA has this hard-on about making sure that your official team T-shirt is "visible at all times" during games. One new team wanted to play in orange prison suits, but were told no by our WAKA rep. WAKA, incidentally, is full of weiners.)

The only thing I am missing is a pair of fake glasses. I had no idea how difficult it would be to find a pair. As a temporary mesasure, I wound up buying a pair of sunglasses at the gas station and popping out the lenses, but I would prefer "real" fake glasses with actual lenses. In the past few days, I have gone to every mall store I could think of (Hot Topic, Spenser Gifts, etc.) and a Halloween costume store. No luck so far. Anyone with ideas on where I could find a pair of fake glasses (the Buddy Holly/Elvis Costello kind), please let me know.

Kickball dorks

After spending some time reading posts on some other sites, site as Kickball365.com, I've come to the conclusion that I'm glad we don't play kickball in Washington DC or one of the other "power kickball" areas. Because, frankly, those guys take the sport part of kickball way too seriously.

I mean, pages and pages of debate on if certain Divisions are major Divisions or just "mid-majors". Days and days of complaining about how WAKA does things a certain way, or how DC Kickball or NAKID (two rival kickball leagues, and I can't believe I typed the words "rival kickball leagues" without doing it in the context of writing a Will Ferrell movie) are superior or inferior. And don't forget the snobbery. One of the posters told me that I should "bring a camera" to the Regionals and World Championships so I could show our Division how real pitchers throw the ball.

I may have mentioned this before, but Scott went to the post-tournament party after the Regionals in LA this summer even though we didn't play. Several of the WAKA "executives" were there. Scott's comment afterwards was something to the effect of "They're a bunch of people who are incredibly pleased with themselves because of the fact that they play kickball." Having done some more research, I know now exactly what he's talking about, and why I never would fit in with that crowd.

At the end of the day, I'm a Ninja first, and more than anything else I'm proud of our team, and all of the absurdist, theatrical bullshit that we do. We've been successful on the field, yes, but that's been a secondary benefit. If I was on a team that took itself way too seriously, treated kickball as a "sport" and not as "a reason to be ridiculous and then go to a bar afterwards", I wouldn't enjoy it nearly as much, even if the team won. I'd enjoy doing what we do just as much if we were on a losing "Operation" league. (Which, after having played a few games during the aborted Board Game Challenge, seems like a fun idea - I own the Funny Bone!)

So, to sum up, I may be one of the Head Ninja Nerds, but I'm not a kickball dork.

to the Fall 2006 Edition of your two-time defending Studio Division champs:

Awesome Helicopter Ninjas: Max Fischer Players



The plan is for the team to play in red berets, thick glasses, and blue blazers. Needless to say, this theme opens up all kinds of incredible shenanigans.

Expect a box of bees to be placed in someone's dugout by Week 2.

And of course, this means that your Awesome Helicopter Ninjas: Scary Ghost Edition memorabilla is now out of date. Make sure you visit the Awesome Helicopter Ninjas team store for your officially licensed, limited-edition Max Fischer Players apparel. Look for a brick and mortar store to be opening at Staples Center sometime soon.

Your Spring 2006 Playoff Recap

The season is over. The champion is crowned. As last season’s titleholders, I would like to publicly take this opportunity to congratulatethe Spring 2006 CA Studio kickball champs.

Oh right, that’s us…

BOOYAH! The semifinals and finals were last night, and we took both games to successfully defend our championship. To put this in historical perspective:

- We’re the first team in the Division to win multiple Division Titles.

- We’re the only team in any of the Southern California divisions to win back-to-back titles.

- We’ve qualified for the next World Kickball Championships, which is great because they are apparently going to be held somewhere in California.

- My own personal record in playoff games with AHN: 6-0 (I missed our playoff loss first season).

A recap of the two weeks of playoff magic shall begin:

QUARTERFINALS (Last Monday):

AHN: SGE 11, Trey Stafford Explosion 1

There really wasn’t much to report on this game. The only real drama is whether or not Trey Stafford himself would accept Michael’s Board Game Challenge. Trey managed to blow his knee out on the second play of the season, and has been forced to be Mascot/Lead Heckler for his team ever since.

Michael (also on IR) decided to challenge Trey to a series of board games to be played during the game. Partially it was a way to question Trey’s competitiveness, and partially it was so we wouldn’t have to hear him heckling.

Trey refused to take the bait, much to our chagrin. Michael even went so far as to create advertising and everything…

Like I said, the game was pretty boring – we beat them 11-0 in the regular season, and this was pretty much that game played all over again. I was a little concerned that the team might be lackadaisical because of our past history, but we came out sharp, focused, and other adjectives describing being “on point”.

LAST NIGHT:

SEMIFINALS:

AHN: SGE 2, Redrum United Kickball Club 1 (6)

This is the game we were waiting for. The chance to beat Redrum for the third straight game and knock them out of the playoffs again was in front of us. Plus, the majority of Redrum have apparently decided not to play next season (I don’t know why), meaning that this was our chance to send them into retirement with a loss to us.

I should point out a few things I did before/during the game.

- I bought white wristbands, and wrote on them with black marker. “Die” on one and “Nasty” on the other. They work as standalone messages, or say them both aloud in a row to reveal a secret, encoded message.

- I also found some spare name tags in my bag, and decided to put them to good use:

One was for use against Redrum, the other was for the championship game. I’ll let you figure out which was which.

- I also purchased a red “Participation” ribbon, like you used to get when you didn’t place in the Science Fair but your teacher wanted everyone to feel special because they tried real hard. My plan was to present this to Redrum when we met on the field before the game, and explain that “I know you guys have never won a championship ring (pointing to my ring), and unfortunately you won’t this season, either. So, I wanted you to have something to remember how hard you tried this year!”

Scott objected to doing this. Something about “jinxing ourselves”. Mainly, Scott was just very, very nervous, more so than he usually is. And he’s a very nervous person by nature. On the scale of nervousness, Scott was somewhere between “Realizing you need to go to the bathroom RIGHT NOW when there’s no gas stations for 20 miles” and Albert Brooks filling in as anchor from “Broadcast News”. I know that Scott would say that winning and losing isn’t important to him, but that tends to go out the window when the game starts.

(I should point out that Scott did produce two great signs for the games: one said “One for the Middle Finger”, and featured a giant hand in flip off mode, with a ring around the middle finger. The other was, well, I really can’t say what it was about in a public forum. Suffice it to say it’s
disgusting, cryptic and wonderful. Kind of like us.)

You might notice on the game score the (6). That’s because in the playoffs, you go extra innings if there’s a tie. Redrum went up 1-0 early, but we were able to tie it up in the fifth inning, and then Scott turned a single into the go-ahead run in the sixth by basically running and not stopping until he got home. It was great.

I can’t tell you why beating Redrum is always satisfying, other than that it always is. Basically, they have a real cocky swagger to them, which is funny since they’ve never actually won a championship. They are the team that takes things just a little too seriously, and probably would turn pro if there was such a thing. (Someone with money: make this happen.) Someone mentioned that they seem to have a lot of people who “peaked at 17”, as in they were the cool kids/jocks/etc. in high school, and now it’s 10 years later and they still can’t get over it. So, the fact that the team of A/V nerds (us) keeps beating them is a cake filled with delicious irony. I should point out that the four people from Redrum who actually come to the bar if they lose are top-shelf people and are exempt from the previous rant.

(However, two of their players wear football receiver’s gloves in the outfield. For kickball. Because that’s the difference between making a catch or not…)

FINAL:

AHN: SGE 9, Uno Mas 7

Yes, you read that right – 16 runs between the two teams.

And, Uno Mas defeated the Valley Girls (the No. 1 seed) in the semifinals. Which made us all happy to no end because a) we love Uno Mas (they are the most fun at the bar, our practice partners and all-around good people) and b) the Valley Girls needed a big bite of humble pie. I was playing poker on Saturday with Tyler, one of their captains (and a really good guy, BTW). He mentioned to me that they weren’t that concerned about Uno Mas because “they don’t score
enough runs to win”. I just shook my head – I knew they were overlooking them and they would get burned.

It was the most fun playoff game I’ve ever played in. I didn’t feel a lot of pressure to win, because I would have been very happy if Uno Mas would have won. And the game was high-scoring, but not because of errors – there were just a lot of good kicks placed in perfect spots.

(I did give the participation ribbon and speech to Uno Mas before the game. However, since they are cool and have actually senses of humor, it was taken in the proper spirit instead of met with tough looks of “intimidation”, as other teams might have done.)

And it was a back and forth game. We went up 4-0 in the first inning, and it looked like it was going to be a rout. But Uno Mas came back to tie it, and it was on from there. There were four lead changes during the game – we happened to do it last by scoring three times in the bottom of the fourth innings. And Uno Mas managed to load the bases in the fifth inning with one out before we were able to get a pop up and a ground out to end it.

The celebration after the final out was interesting. I personally was excited, but it was a different feeling than before. Maybe it was the fact that we beat a team we really like. Maybe it was that we did it again. Maybe it was because, for personal reasons, I couldn’t get as excited as
I might have otherwise, but it was more a feeling of relief than elation.

This feeling lasted for about five or ten seconds. Then the smoke bombs came out, followed by much running around topless, posing for pictures, and generally make asses of ourselves. Even today after a long shower, I still smell like a Chinese fireworks factory (burnt gun powder, dirt and sweat). We weren’t able to get to the bar until 10:30 or so, but we made the
most of the time we had there.

Personally, I was happy with how I played. I went 2-2 in the championship game (with two runs scored and two RKI) after going 0-2 against Redrum. I had some very good defensive plays, including turning a double play on a popped-up bunt in the first innings against Uno Mas. Even though I did throw one ball away that cost us two runs. But I did hump home plate when I scored the second time, so that pretty much trumps anything else that happened.

So, in summary, I love kickball. I’m glad to have something to do once a week that gets my mind off of everything else that I’m going through. I’ve made some great friends already, and each season brings a new group of friends.

And we pretty much kick all kinds of ass, which is good because while I don’t need to win at all costs, winning is more fun than losing.

(Also, fireworks are awesome.)

End of the regular season

We lost. The end.

OK, not really, although it was a particularly crushing defeat. We lost to the "hated" Valley Girls 4-3, with the winner (i.e. not us) taking the regular season pennant and the loser (you know who) relegated to third place. It was especially tough because we gave up two runs in the fifth (final) inning to lose the game, when a couple of our players (I not going to name any names) committed about 12 errors between the two of them in the inning. We need to learn about the whole concept of Risk/Reward. As in, don't throw the ball to try and get someone out at third if there's a 90 percent chance that the ball will instead go flying into the outfield, letting them score the winning run. As a hypothetical example.

Also, one of the Valley Girls players (female, has called or team a Mafia that controls the Division and manipulates the rules in our direction) actually pulled her hand away from me in the post-game high-five line. As in, "high-fiving everyone else, but making a point to pull her hand away from me to move on to the person behind me when we get to each other." Really? Doing that at your age? At least she didn't pull her hand away and then run her fingers through her hair.

I really can't be that upset about the game; two of our best players (Scott J. and Bill) were out, so that's probably a 2-3 run swing right there. We still finished 6-2 and in third place, versus sixth last regular season. So, by my calculations, we should win two championships this playoff season, since we're twice as good. Or something like that.

And at least we're not the Pregnant Cheerleaders, who managed to lose to Redrum 32-1.

Seriously. 32-1. And that's not a typo. And before you ask, yes, there is a 12-run mercy rule, but the Cheerleaders chose to waive it. I can't imagine how much of a masochist you would have to be to be willing to keep getting beat like that.

Shenanigans topped?

We've been low on shenanigans this season. Meanwhile, Trey Stafford of The Trey Stafford Explosion found poetry written by the star player of the Valley Girls last week, and read it to him from behind the backstop as he kicked.

He went 0-for-2.

Although the TSE lost 5-1, they still get a gold star from us for their hijinx.

Regular season title on the line this week

Sorry that the updates have basically...stopped. Those of you who know why this happened understand, and that's all I'm going to say about that.

Since we last left...we've won three games. Most importantly, we beat Redrum in the Title Game rematch 3-2 last week to get back to first place in the standings. The best part was that we were able to score twice in the fifth inning to come from behind. Redrum basically thought they had the game won, only to have us break their hearts in a new, exciting way. Needless to say, we're so far up in Redrum's head, we're not only making breakfast, we're making them wash the dishes afterwards.

Redrum managed to have three (three!) people show up to the bar after the game, when they usually get about 12-15 players after a win. Glad to see that they take losses in stride.

Our win last night was a completely uninspiring 5-2 win over The Rhino Stampede. It's starting to worry me that I feel nervous after a three-run victory, and I know exactly how cocky this is going to sound, but...we played terrible, and we should have beaten them (they are 0-6-1 this season) by a lot more.

We play The Valley Girls this Monday in the regular-season finale. The winner is the regular season champion and the No. 1 seed in the tournament, while the loser probably falls down to the No. 3 seed. If we play like we did against Rhino Stampede, we're going to get thumped, AND we're going to get run out of the playoffs in the first round.

Oh yeah, and I'm captain next week because Scott is in Kansas City for his sister's art exhibition. Which at least means one week without someone getting teabagged at the bar. Or on the field. Or in the parking lot. Etc., etc., etc.

Post-game press conference - vs. Pregnant Cheerleaders

In case you missed it, here are highlights from Ninjas coach Scott Jones' press conference following Monday night's game against the Pregnant Cheerleaders:

A painful victory

The good news: We beat the Pregnant Cheerleaders 12-0.

The bad news: Michael broke his ankle in the second inning and is out for the rest of the season. Mr. "More Heart Than Brains or Sliding Ability" decided to slide into third base in an attempt to beat a throw that wound up beating him by about two or three steps. Actually, it beat his foot by a few more steps, as that stuck in the ground as the rest of him kept moving forward.

The ump said that he "could hear something pop" from home plate.

The best part is that Scott and I were coaching the previous kicker on first base when everyone started heading over to third once they realized Michael was hurt. The home plate ump told Scott that "we need you help because one of your players is hurt". Scott's response? "I'm not a doctor..."

On a personal note: The worst individual game I've played in some time. I went 0-2, including popping out to god damned Shirley to end the first inning. I'm not kidding that this might have been the first out she's ever recorded in a game. It's like having a two-year old steal a basketball from you.

Game Day: Week 4

We play the Pregnant Cheerleaders tonight. They're a nice group of people, albeit a bunch of dorks. And not dorks in the "using an excessive amount of smoke bombs and shooting model rockets into the trees" type. Apparently, at one of their practices, they did "trust falls" to establish team unity. So, more of the "never got over being a camp counselor" kind of dork.

They were the worst team in the Division last season, including losing 13-1 to us last season. They won their first two games this season, which caused them to suddenly get a little cocky and smirky at the bar. Which is interesting since both teams they beat were playing their first-ever game of kickball. Needless to say, they lost their last game to one of the new teams (The Bookhouse Boys), who at least had a couple of games under their belt.

I want to score 20 runs against them. Seriously. Nothing against them, but I want to really send a message tonight. Kill. Crush. Destroy.

The latest team project? Do you remember how sports teams all seemed to have their own music videos back in the 1980s? Some, like the Super Bowl Shuffle, were supposed to be by the team, talking about how good they are. The other kind was a music video of the team's official theme song, complete with a cheesy 1980s rock song that was usually "Go TEAM NAME, Go!", interspersed with highlights of the team on the field, acting goofy off the field, and the occassional cameo by a celebrity fan. The perfect example would be the 1986 Mets' theme song "Let's Go Mets". So much 80s cheese in there, it's amazing.

So, I discussed this with Scott and Ashley, and we're going to do this for the Ninjas. I'm going to work on a song this week, and hopefully we can get Behn (our videographer) to help us shoot some additional footage to go with our already existing game footage. Expect awesomeness to ensue.