Tyler Foster once kicked a ball so hard it hit the moon...
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Tyler Foster's Feets Of Strength: To The Moon
This is Part 1 in a series of posts dedicated to the amazing and umbelievable and downright mythical things Tyler Foster, three season Awesome Helicopter Ninja veteran, can do with his feet and kicking them...at balls.
Things learned
White People are nothing but trouble. It's okay I can say that because I am friends with some white people. Also kickball is kicking my ass.
-Face
-Face
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Bullshit at the bar
Now, I'm not a violent person by any stretch of the imagination. The last thing I punched was a ballot on Election Day. However, when provoked, I can "get my Irish up" pretty good. (Which I know is a hopeless racial stereotype, and one that doesn't even make sense - but it sure beat the more ethnographically accurate "get my part-Mexican part-Italian part-Okie up".) As a word of warning, this post contains some less-than-pleasant language, including one word (not spoken by me) that is about as bad as it gets (hint: that word ain't "moist").
The game itself was pretty straightforward - we beat the Warner Pros. 11-1. We jumped out early and never looked back. I knew a couple of their players from Hollywood Division, and they are generally speaking about the best group of people you would want to play against.
The scene at the Sportsmen's Lodge after the game was pretty low-key - a lot of people were still feeling the effects of St. Patrick's Day from Saturday, and decided to take this week off of the bar. I'd day the bar had probably half as many kickballers in it as it usually does on a typical Monday night.
As usual, it was 99 percent kickballers there at the bar (the Sportsmen's Lodge is usually kind of...well, let's say that it's an older clientèle - or as someone put it "I came here on Saturday and it smelled like old people and death"). We usually have a few regulars sneering at us for ruining their quiet evening of getting bombed, along with a few guests from the hotel who have no idea what the hell is going on.
So, I get there at about 9:45 p.m., and head to the bar to get my first drink. As I'm standing there, I see three guys who clearly aren't with the kickball league sitting at the bar next to me. They are in their mid to late-30s, and they all look basically the same:
- White guys
- Medium build, but getting kinda pudgy
- Haven't shaved in three days
- Baseball cap
- Sunglasses placed over the bill of their cap
- Jeans and slightly dirty sweatshirt of their favorite sporting team
Basically, these guys just scream "I'm a redneck from Central California" to me on sight. I'm from Central California, and I grew up with these guys - I know my own. Sure enough, as I'm ordering, the first thing I hear out of one guy's mouth (who resembled Garth Brooks from 1998, except slighter of build and less attractive) basically confirmed everything I was thinking. Basically, as I'm ordering, and as he's surrounded by kickballers, he decides to very loudly launch into this monologue with his buddies.
"Man, did you ever think that you'd be sitting in a bar in Los Angeles, surrounded by a buncha faggots playing kickball? Shiiit..."
My first instinct was to immediately turn and say something to him, but I actually was so stunned that I didn't know what to say. So, I just finished up my drink order and walked back to my table as Faux Garth kept on blabbing about how "I bet these people never were good enough to play football in high school, so now they have to do this..." and on and on.
Throughout the course of the night, I'd head back over there to get another round, and by gawd, he still was going on and on about the "kickball faggots". I'd report this back to people, and I had several people willing to "take care of some business", including a few people that I would not want to meet in a back alley (hi Doug from Nuts & Honeys). But cooler heads prevailed, at least for most people.
Except for Scott Jones and I. If I was going to pick one person who I knew was going to get just as riled up about this as me, it would be Scott. Put us together, and man oh man...so at one point, Scott and I went up there to the bar and were talking to some other kickballers while we were next to the Blue Collar Comedy Tour: Electric Boogaloo. When there was a lull in all conversations, I turned to Scott and had the following exchange, loudly:
Me: "Man, you know what would suck?"
Scott: "What?"
Me: "Being a redneck loser who has nothing better to do than to hang out with a couple of other dudes on a Monday night at a bar."
Scott: "Yeah, that must really suck."
And with that, we went back to our seats, mission accomplished.
Except for when the last call came, and everyone eventually cleared out except for me, Scott, and The Blue Collar Comedy Tour II: Electric Boogaloo. As soon as it was just us and the bartenders, Faux Garth made another witty one-liner (I believe it involved "fags who play kickball" - I don't think that he had a breadth of material to work from) directed at us. Which led to me responding, and then back and forth...basically, it started to get ugly once I decided to do my "imitation" of them to Scott:
"Hey, let's get us into our big ole' truck and get drunk at the bar. After that, we can get some chewing tobaccky, and then drive around and see if there are any fags or blacks that we can tie to our bumpers and drag down the street."
At this point, the bartender Saana was going to kick everyone out (and I don't blame her), but Scott wound up striking up a somewhat pleasant conversation with one of their friends who came in late over football (Scott is a Chiefs fan and this guy was a part of Raider Nation). Eventually, they took off for their rooms (they were staying at the hotel from - you guessed it - Bishop in Central California, albeit on the other side of the Sierra Nevadas than me) and Scott and I stayed to chat with Saana and the other bartender, who immediately made sure we knew that they weren't mad at us, and just wanted those "hicks" out of their bar.
There are two morals here:
1. I wouldn't go to a bar in, say, Tennessee, and start loudly complaining about "all these rednecks listening to shitty country music and having sex with their cousins" - it's pretty disrespectful - and if I did do it, I certainly would expect to have a lot of people pissed off at me.
2. I also wouldn't do that because I AM A REDNECK in so many ways. Grew up in the Valley? Check. Listens to country music? Check. Has been to Dollywood? Check. Watches NASCAR and sprint car races, and prefers beer in cans to bottles? Check, check and check. However, just because I'm a redneck doesn't mean that I have to be an ignorant, racist, homophobic asshole who is frightened because he's in "the big city" and there's so much weird stuff going on.
Adults playing kickball? Blacks and whites mixing? Gay people not having to hide in fear? Nope, Faux Garth don't like it none.
Again, I know this all too well. When I went home for my 10 year HS reunion a few years ago, about 25 percent of the people there (who hadn't left my hometown) saw fit to, within 30 seconds of talking to me, slam Los Angeles. "It's too dirty. There's too much crime. It's so big. They have a lot of black people there. I hate it." In fact, Faux Garth said something to me (when he wasn't rambling about "kickball" and "faggots") about how he has a daughter and "I could never see how anyone could raise someone in Los Angeles. In Bishop, she can walk the streets by herself and no one bothers her."
Which, first off, since I overheard you mention to one of your pals that your daughter is 6, I would hope she isn't walking the streets alone. That's shitty parenting, although if Daddy's getting drunk at the bar all night, I guess she needs something to do to keep from getting bored. Secondly, I personally can't imagine raising a child in a place that doesn't have the theatre. Or ballet. Or orchestras. Or museums. Or anything cultural whatsoever. Hell, even my hometown was close to Fresno, which had all of the above things, even if it was in a limited quantity.
So, in summary, I'd like to say something directly to Faux Garth (I know the odds of him having Internets access is slim, much less ever reading this blog, but still...): I'm sorry that your life (despite having a daughter at home) is so devoid of meaning that you get your jollies staying at a bar all night to drink while surrounded by people you clearly despise. Next week, I'll be back at the park and the bar, with several hundred interesting people from all walks of life. Meanwhile, you'll be face down on the bar at Slim's Place, or Two-Hand Larry's, or whatever seedy as hell bar you frequent in Bishop, while the bartender rifles through your wallet for cab fare. I'm not angry, really, just...kind of sad for you.
Also, if I see you again, I'm going to take a tire iron to your head. Cheers!
The game itself was pretty straightforward - we beat the Warner Pros. 11-1. We jumped out early and never looked back. I knew a couple of their players from Hollywood Division, and they are generally speaking about the best group of people you would want to play against.
The scene at the Sportsmen's Lodge after the game was pretty low-key - a lot of people were still feeling the effects of St. Patrick's Day from Saturday, and decided to take this week off of the bar. I'd day the bar had probably half as many kickballers in it as it usually does on a typical Monday night.
As usual, it was 99 percent kickballers there at the bar (the Sportsmen's Lodge is usually kind of...well, let's say that it's an older clientèle - or as someone put it "I came here on Saturday and it smelled like old people and death"). We usually have a few regulars sneering at us for ruining their quiet evening of getting bombed, along with a few guests from the hotel who have no idea what the hell is going on.
So, I get there at about 9:45 p.m., and head to the bar to get my first drink. As I'm standing there, I see three guys who clearly aren't with the kickball league sitting at the bar next to me. They are in their mid to late-30s, and they all look basically the same:
- White guys
- Medium build, but getting kinda pudgy
- Haven't shaved in three days
- Baseball cap
- Sunglasses placed over the bill of their cap
- Jeans and slightly dirty sweatshirt of their favorite sporting team
Basically, these guys just scream "I'm a redneck from Central California" to me on sight. I'm from Central California, and I grew up with these guys - I know my own. Sure enough, as I'm ordering, the first thing I hear out of one guy's mouth (who resembled Garth Brooks from 1998, except slighter of build and less attractive) basically confirmed everything I was thinking. Basically, as I'm ordering, and as he's surrounded by kickballers, he decides to very loudly launch into this monologue with his buddies.
"Man, did you ever think that you'd be sitting in a bar in Los Angeles, surrounded by a buncha faggots playing kickball? Shiiit..."
My first instinct was to immediately turn and say something to him, but I actually was so stunned that I didn't know what to say. So, I just finished up my drink order and walked back to my table as Faux Garth kept on blabbing about how "I bet these people never were good enough to play football in high school, so now they have to do this..." and on and on.
Throughout the course of the night, I'd head back over there to get another round, and by gawd, he still was going on and on about the "kickball faggots". I'd report this back to people, and I had several people willing to "take care of some business", including a few people that I would not want to meet in a back alley (hi Doug from Nuts & Honeys). But cooler heads prevailed, at least for most people.
Except for Scott Jones and I. If I was going to pick one person who I knew was going to get just as riled up about this as me, it would be Scott. Put us together, and man oh man...so at one point, Scott and I went up there to the bar and were talking to some other kickballers while we were next to the Blue Collar Comedy Tour: Electric Boogaloo. When there was a lull in all conversations, I turned to Scott and had the following exchange, loudly:
Me: "Man, you know what would suck?"
Scott: "What?"
Me: "Being a redneck loser who has nothing better to do than to hang out with a couple of other dudes on a Monday night at a bar."
Scott: "Yeah, that must really suck."
And with that, we went back to our seats, mission accomplished.
Except for when the last call came, and everyone eventually cleared out except for me, Scott, and The Blue Collar Comedy Tour II: Electric Boogaloo. As soon as it was just us and the bartenders, Faux Garth made another witty one-liner (I believe it involved "fags who play kickball" - I don't think that he had a breadth of material to work from) directed at us. Which led to me responding, and then back and forth...basically, it started to get ugly once I decided to do my "imitation" of them to Scott:
"Hey, let's get us into our big ole' truck and get drunk at the bar. After that, we can get some chewing tobaccky, and then drive around and see if there are any fags or blacks that we can tie to our bumpers and drag down the street."
At this point, the bartender Saana was going to kick everyone out (and I don't blame her), but Scott wound up striking up a somewhat pleasant conversation with one of their friends who came in late over football (Scott is a Chiefs fan and this guy was a part of Raider Nation). Eventually, they took off for their rooms (they were staying at the hotel from - you guessed it - Bishop in Central California, albeit on the other side of the Sierra Nevadas than me) and Scott and I stayed to chat with Saana and the other bartender, who immediately made sure we knew that they weren't mad at us, and just wanted those "hicks" out of their bar.
There are two morals here:
1. I wouldn't go to a bar in, say, Tennessee, and start loudly complaining about "all these rednecks listening to shitty country music and having sex with their cousins" - it's pretty disrespectful - and if I did do it, I certainly would expect to have a lot of people pissed off at me.
2. I also wouldn't do that because I AM A REDNECK in so many ways. Grew up in the Valley? Check. Listens to country music? Check. Has been to Dollywood? Check. Watches NASCAR and sprint car races, and prefers beer in cans to bottles? Check, check and check. However, just because I'm a redneck doesn't mean that I have to be an ignorant, racist, homophobic asshole who is frightened because he's in "the big city" and there's so much weird stuff going on.
Adults playing kickball? Blacks and whites mixing? Gay people not having to hide in fear? Nope, Faux Garth don't like it none.
Again, I know this all too well. When I went home for my 10 year HS reunion a few years ago, about 25 percent of the people there (who hadn't left my hometown) saw fit to, within 30 seconds of talking to me, slam Los Angeles. "It's too dirty. There's too much crime. It's so big. They have a lot of black people there. I hate it." In fact, Faux Garth said something to me (when he wasn't rambling about "kickball" and "faggots") about how he has a daughter and "I could never see how anyone could raise someone in Los Angeles. In Bishop, she can walk the streets by herself and no one bothers her."
Which, first off, since I overheard you mention to one of your pals that your daughter is 6, I would hope she isn't walking the streets alone. That's shitty parenting, although if Daddy's getting drunk at the bar all night, I guess she needs something to do to keep from getting bored. Secondly, I personally can't imagine raising a child in a place that doesn't have the theatre. Or ballet. Or orchestras. Or museums. Or anything cultural whatsoever. Hell, even my hometown was close to Fresno, which had all of the above things, even if it was in a limited quantity.
So, in summary, I'd like to say something directly to Faux Garth (I know the odds of him having Internets access is slim, much less ever reading this blog, but still...): I'm sorry that your life (despite having a daughter at home) is so devoid of meaning that you get your jollies staying at a bar all night to drink while surrounded by people you clearly despise. Next week, I'll be back at the park and the bar, with several hundred interesting people from all walks of life. Meanwhile, you'll be face down on the bar at Slim's Place, or Two-Hand Larry's, or whatever seedy as hell bar you frequent in Bishop, while the bartender rifles through your wallet for cab fare. I'm not angry, really, just...kind of sad for you.
Also, if I see you again, I'm going to take a tire iron to your head. Cheers!
Monday, March 19, 2007
Kickball Night in America: Week 4
Tonight's game is against the Warner Pros., which is a corporate team from Warner Bros. Records. I have two predictions:
- Plenty of jokes about payola
- We WILL run a trick play tonight, whether we are ahead or behind. We've gone three weeks into the season without one and, well, it's high time we got off our asses and did something about it.
- Plenty of jokes about payola
- We WILL run a trick play tonight, whether we are ahead or behind. We've gone three weeks into the season without one and, well, it's high time we got off our asses and did something about it.
The Ninjas Fan Club is Here
Some of you might have heard rumors about it...others might have seen it advertised with the Richard Manfredi autograph booth before the Opening Night game...and for a select few of you, it might have come to you in some sort of sweaty, fever dream involving a flaming key lime pie and former New York mayor Ed Koch (and for those of you who fall into the latter category - we again deeply apologize). But no matter if you've heard about it or not...
The Official Awesome Helicopter Ninjas Fan Club is here!
The Official Awesome Helicopter Ninjas Fan Club is here!
I think the advertising pretty much says it all. For just $5, you get all kinds of cool stuff:
- One bad-assed sticker. Stick it on your car! Stick it on your computer! Stick it on yourself! Better yet, stick it somewhere else to spread the Awesome Helicopter Ninjas name and logo (it's called "branding"). I'm not going to encourage you to vandalize property, but I'm just going to say that places like bus stops, record stores and police cars are perfect places to place logos where they are sure to attract attention*.
- One rad button. Which was made with the Badge Factory, so you know it's "trendy", "hot", "neat" and other "catch phrases" that seem to be popular with the kids today (at least according to the box). Wear it on your leather or denim jacket along with your other "punk" buttons (like your Green Day, Blink-182, Pennywise or other "hard rockin'" bands). Remember: "Punks not dead" - not as long as you sport this "radical" button.
- One membership card. Use it for special discounts at Long John Silvers, The Pleasure Chest, Jamba Juice and other fine establishments. I mean, you can always try to use it to get a discount - maybe you'll get some 18 year-old kid working the front desk who doesn't know what discount cards they do or don't accept. If you act belligerent enough about it, they might give you the 25 percent off discount just to shut you up.
- An autographed photo. A nice, high-quality glossy either of the team (autographed by several team members) or your favorite player. Ask for you favorite player by name, and they write some pithy, probably obscene message to you!**
- Exclusive content. "Content" being a word used to describe cool stuff that we haven't finalized yet. I do know that it will include e-mail newsletters exclusively for Fan Club members delivered every...oh, few weeks I guess, at least during the season (probably less often in the off-season). Hey, it's a work in progress, and what do you want for $5?
I promise you that you won't find a kickball team fan club that offers you this much crap for just $5 - including shipping! Want to buy even more stuff? Boy, you sure are addicted to buying things! Glad we could help you fill the hole in your life where actual human contact should be buy allowing you to purchase lots of junk. (The Ninjas support rampant consumerism.)
But I disgress. WE HAVE MORE STUFF FOR SALE! Want to buy more stickers? Yup, we can do that...
So, if you are ready to order (and frankly, if you aren't, then fuck you. You aren't the "good friend" you claimed to be when you needed that loan.), it's simple: send an e-mail to us at ninjasfanclub@gmail.com detailing what and how much of each you would like to order along with your shipping address. Someone in our Order Fulfillment Department will contact you shortly with information on how to complete your order (not to be too secretive, but it involves bamboo paper, pomegranate juice and Betty White).
So what in God's name are you waiting for? You don't need to save for "retirement" or "your kids' educations" or "that heart operation" - Order lots of stuff today!
- One bad-assed sticker. Stick it on your car! Stick it on your computer! Stick it on yourself! Better yet, stick it somewhere else to spread the Awesome Helicopter Ninjas name and logo (it's called "branding"). I'm not going to encourage you to vandalize property, but I'm just going to say that places like bus stops, record stores and police cars are perfect places to place logos where they are sure to attract attention*.
- One rad button. Which was made with the Badge Factory, so you know it's "trendy", "hot", "neat" and other "catch phrases" that seem to be popular with the kids today (at least according to the box). Wear it on your leather or denim jacket along with your other "punk" buttons (like your Green Day, Blink-182, Pennywise or other "hard rockin'" bands). Remember: "Punks not dead" - not as long as you sport this "radical" button.
- One membership card. Use it for special discounts at Long John Silvers, The Pleasure Chest, Jamba Juice and other fine establishments. I mean, you can always try to use it to get a discount - maybe you'll get some 18 year-old kid working the front desk who doesn't know what discount cards they do or don't accept. If you act belligerent enough about it, they might give you the 25 percent off discount just to shut you up.
- An autographed photo. A nice, high-quality glossy either of the team (autographed by several team members) or your favorite player. Ask for you favorite player by name, and they write some pithy, probably obscene message to you!**
- Exclusive content. "Content" being a word used to describe cool stuff that we haven't finalized yet. I do know that it will include e-mail newsletters exclusively for Fan Club members delivered every...oh, few weeks I guess, at least during the season (probably less often in the off-season). Hey, it's a work in progress, and what do you want for $5?
I promise you that you won't find a kickball team fan club that offers you this much crap for just $5 - including shipping! Want to buy even more stuff? Boy, you sure are addicted to buying things! Glad we could help you fill the hole in your life where actual human contact should be buy allowing you to purchase lots of junk. (The Ninjas support rampant consumerism.)
But I disgress. WE HAVE MORE STUFF FOR SALE! Want to buy more stickers? Yup, we can do that...
So, if you are ready to order (and frankly, if you aren't, then fuck you. You aren't the "good friend" you claimed to be when you needed that loan.), it's simple: send an e-mail to us at ninjasfanclub@gmail.com detailing what and how much of each you would like to order along with your shipping address. Someone in our Order Fulfillment Department will contact you shortly with information on how to complete your order (not to be too secretive, but it involves bamboo paper, pomegranate juice and Betty White).
So what in God's name are you waiting for? You don't need to save for "retirement" or "your kids' educations" or "that heart operation" - Order lots of stuff today!
Friday, March 16, 2007
Know a Ninja #1: Megan Griffin
We're starting a series of occassional profiles of Ninja players here on the blog (this will all be on the Web site as well.) I thought it would be a good idea to start with one of our newest players, Megan Griffin:
Name: Megan Griffin
Nicknames: Meg, Legs, Nutmeg
Hometown: Norman, OK
Age: 22…almost 23 (on April 24) – I might be the youngest in the league
Position: OF
Reason for joining kickball: I just moved here. It’s a great way to meet new people and have fun.
Occupation (other than "Kickball Goddess"): Graduate student at Pepperdine's School of Public Policy
Favorite on-the-field kickball memory: Possibly watching Joe try to slide in to 3rd and just stop about 6 inches short, legs and arms sprawled out, on the ground, as they easily tagged him out.
What being an Awesome Helicopter Ninja means to you: Well, I’m new to this, but I'm gonna go with....FUN, great company, good times, and some kickball awesomeness
What kickball prank would you LIKE the Ninjas to pull: Ooo, I'm not good with the pranking forethought, but I'm always one to help carry out the shenanigans!
What would you like to see the Ninjas do this season that we haven't done before: I don't know what you have and haven't done before.
If the team was involved in a plane crash in the mountains on our way to a tournament (like in "Alive"), and it came down to it, who would you eat first and why: Whoever has the leanest meat! Gotta keep your figure when you're goin' cannibal.
If you could only listen to one CD while stranded in the mountains and eating the flesh of your Ninja teammates, what CD would it be: Mest, “Destination Unknown”
How many pairs of shoes do you own: Ooo, tough one. I'm gonna estimate around the 75 to 80 range.
Favorite Old-School Video Game or Cartoon: Favorite video game of all time was Super Mario World
Post-game drink of choice: Hefeweisen
Name: Megan Griffin
Nicknames: Meg, Legs, Nutmeg
Hometown: Norman, OK
Age: 22…almost 23 (on April 24) – I might be the youngest in the league
Position: OF
Reason for joining kickball: I just moved here. It’s a great way to meet new people and have fun.
Occupation (other than "Kickball Goddess"): Graduate student at Pepperdine's School of Public Policy
Favorite on-the-field kickball memory: Possibly watching Joe try to slide in to 3rd and just stop about 6 inches short, legs and arms sprawled out, on the ground, as they easily tagged him out.
What being an Awesome Helicopter Ninja means to you: Well, I’m new to this, but I'm gonna go with....FUN, great company, good times, and some kickball awesomeness
What kickball prank would you LIKE the Ninjas to pull: Ooo, I'm not good with the pranking forethought, but I'm always one to help carry out the shenanigans!
What would you like to see the Ninjas do this season that we haven't done before: I don't know what you have and haven't done before.
If the team was involved in a plane crash in the mountains on our way to a tournament (like in "Alive"), and it came down to it, who would you eat first and why: Whoever has the leanest meat! Gotta keep your figure when you're goin' cannibal.
If you could only listen to one CD while stranded in the mountains and eating the flesh of your Ninja teammates, what CD would it be: Mest, “Destination Unknown”
How many pairs of shoes do you own: Ooo, tough one. I'm gonna estimate around the 75 to 80 range.
Favorite Old-School Video Game or Cartoon: Favorite video game of all time was Super Mario World
Post-game drink of choice: Hefeweisen
Ninja 3: The Domination
I would like to point out that this clip from "Ninja 3: The Domination" has pretty much everything you would want for a perfect clip for our team:
- Does it have a kick-ass Ninja? Yes.
- Does it involve a helicopter? You bet.
- Is it awesome? I'll let you be the judge:
Needless to say, if the team had a Theme Video Clip instead of a Theme Song, this would be it.
- Does it have a kick-ass Ninja? Yes.
- Does it involve a helicopter? You bet.
- Is it awesome? I'll let you be the judge:
Needless to say, if the team had a Theme Video Clip instead of a Theme Song, this would be it.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Week 3 results
I wasn't there this Monday night, so I personally don't know a lot of details...but I know that we beat Ponies of Death 3-0, and that according to Scott, our defense was "perfect". Perhaps one of my teammates who was actually there can provide a more detailed recap.
I was out at SXSW this weekend with my company. I was there for the Film portion of things and came back this evening, right before the music part started. Which I think is just as well, because the place was swarming with, from what I could tell, the entire population of Silverlake, and every Silverlake part of every town in America. And I don't like Silverlake much.
Also, I was caught in a massive thunderstorm on Sunday night and was drenched - like I jumped into a shower for about 10 minutes. Good times! But I did get some kick-ass BBQ, so things tend to even out.
Oh yeah, one thing - this afternoon, as the show was winding down, they kept making announcements about how this author or that blogger was doing a signing at a certain booth. So my boss, having heard my story from Opening Night, went to the place where they were making announcements for companies, and had them announce that "Awesome Helicopter Ninjas star and kickball legend Richard Manfredi will be signing data sheets at (my company's) booth."
It was very, very awesome. Of course, no one showed up, but that's besides the point.
I was out at SXSW this weekend with my company. I was there for the Film portion of things and came back this evening, right before the music part started. Which I think is just as well, because the place was swarming with, from what I could tell, the entire population of Silverlake, and every Silverlake part of every town in America. And I don't like Silverlake much.
Also, I was caught in a massive thunderstorm on Sunday night and was drenched - like I jumped into a shower for about 10 minutes. Good times! But I did get some kick-ass BBQ, so things tend to even out.
Oh yeah, one thing - this afternoon, as the show was winding down, they kept making announcements about how this author or that blogger was doing a signing at a certain booth. So my boss, having heard my story from Opening Night, went to the place where they were making announcements for companies, and had them announce that "Awesome Helicopter Ninjas star and kickball legend Richard Manfredi will be signing data sheets at (my company's) booth."
It was very, very awesome. Of course, no one showed up, but that's besides the point.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Why I Am a Ninja, Part XXVI
If anything sums up being a Ninja, it's this story from this morning, as told by Ninja stalwart, Pizza Club president and all around complete idiot Michael Winfield.
(Note: My wife and I had an appointment with her OB for a baby check-up this morning. Plus, I sort of have to deal with the media for my job here in LA, so I was a little hesitant to be directly tied to all of this. Also, I'm a giant pussy.)
Take it away, Mr. Winfield...
"Every once and a while the World Adult Kickball Association teams up with a local new station to promote themselves. That's cool. Well, this morning there was another "event" at the Ferrero Soccer Field in Griffith Park. The Awesome Helicopter Ninjas were not going to let this pass without being involved.
Do we play nicely and smile for the cameras? Um, no, we're the Ninjas. Were here to ruin kickball.
Scott and I ditched work for a couple of hours and drove out there. We parked about a quarter mile away from the activities at the park. When we got there, about 8:45, they were just milling about and setting up. Orion and Katie (WAKA reps) were there along with players from various divisions. But there was no sign of the KTLA news truck. We stealthily crept along the side. We were both in our shirts and had accompanying masks. Scott went with the t-shirt ninja type of mask and I had my Ninja Luchador mask I got on Olivera St. for $15. Then we waited.
And waited. They set up the field and Scott climbed a tree to get a better view, taking into account the "if you can see them, they can see you, but not if you're hidden in a tree". Scott also wanted to pee out of the tree, but he didn't have to go.
Finally, we see the news truck pull up, and the antenna extends like a mighty boner to the sky. We start prepping.
"But how did you know when to run out there", you ask. "Shut your face", I say. We had some ninjas on television duty. Most notably: Cameron, Scott P. and Jack. Every few minutes there were updates from our agents in their command centers. And finally, Gail went up to kick, cameras were in place. And the attack was on.
Scott, with his confetti gun (no smoke bombs this time people, really, we looked ENOUGH like terrorists) and I charged the field screaming and laughing. I start to round the bases. Scott runs into the middle of the field and fires off the gun. Wind takes hold and the confetti soars. Everyone takes this with good humor and they are laughing, though they are not quite as surprised by this antic as maybe they would have been in the past.
Scott and I bolt off the field.
BUT...as I'm running off, Jacob from Smurfageddon puts his leg out to fake trip me. Unfortunately, I was running at top speed and though I avoided his leg, ended up tripping over myself and ate turf, hard. (That's what she said) I picked myself up and scampered off. I was winded, needing to throw up, feverish, scraped up, dirty, had mud in my teeth and up my nose and I may have been slightly concussed. I was seeing white all over the place, like the saturation was turned way up.
Scott and I sat there panting and composing ourselves, more so for me. We eventually walked back to the cars where I swigged old water (thank you Scott) and tried to get my head straight. Then we both went to work. Being an Awesome Helicopter Ninja is pretty much the best thing a person can do."
EDIT: Now with video links - click on the "Gayle Anderson" button on the left.
(Note: My wife and I had an appointment with her OB for a baby check-up this morning. Plus, I sort of have to deal with the media for my job here in LA, so I was a little hesitant to be directly tied to all of this. Also, I'm a giant pussy.)
Take it away, Mr. Winfield...
"Every once and a while the World Adult Kickball Association teams up with a local new station to promote themselves. That's cool. Well, this morning there was another "event" at the Ferrero Soccer Field in Griffith Park. The Awesome Helicopter Ninjas were not going to let this pass without being involved.
Do we play nicely and smile for the cameras? Um, no, we're the Ninjas. Were here to ruin kickball.
Scott and I ditched work for a couple of hours and drove out there. We parked about a quarter mile away from the activities at the park. When we got there, about 8:45, they were just milling about and setting up. Orion and Katie (WAKA reps) were there along with players from various divisions. But there was no sign of the KTLA news truck. We stealthily crept along the side. We were both in our shirts and had accompanying masks. Scott went with the t-shirt ninja type of mask and I had my Ninja Luchador mask I got on Olivera St. for $15. Then we waited.
And waited. They set up the field and Scott climbed a tree to get a better view, taking into account the "if you can see them, they can see you, but not if you're hidden in a tree". Scott also wanted to pee out of the tree, but he didn't have to go.
Finally, we see the news truck pull up, and the antenna extends like a mighty boner to the sky. We start prepping.
"But how did you know when to run out there", you ask. "Shut your face", I say. We had some ninjas on television duty. Most notably: Cameron, Scott P. and Jack. Every few minutes there were updates from our agents in their command centers. And finally, Gail went up to kick, cameras were in place. And the attack was on.
Scott, with his confetti gun (no smoke bombs this time people, really, we looked ENOUGH like terrorists) and I charged the field screaming and laughing. I start to round the bases. Scott runs into the middle of the field and fires off the gun. Wind takes hold and the confetti soars. Everyone takes this with good humor and they are laughing, though they are not quite as surprised by this antic as maybe they would have been in the past.
Scott and I bolt off the field.
BUT...as I'm running off, Jacob from Smurfageddon puts his leg out to fake trip me. Unfortunately, I was running at top speed and though I avoided his leg, ended up tripping over myself and ate turf, hard. (That's what she said) I picked myself up and scampered off. I was winded, needing to throw up, feverish, scraped up, dirty, had mud in my teeth and up my nose and I may have been slightly concussed. I was seeing white all over the place, like the saturation was turned way up.
Scott and I sat there panting and composing ourselves, more so for me. We eventually walked back to the cars where I swigged old water (thank you Scott) and tried to get my head straight. Then we both went to work. Being an Awesome Helicopter Ninja is pretty much the best thing a person can do."
EDIT: Now with video links - click on the "Gayle Anderson" button on the left.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Shirt sold for $10.50
You might remember my post from last week about one of my autographed T-shirts going on sale on eBay. Well, the auction is over, and someone paid $10.50 for it. The ironic part is that it wasn't a friend of mine, someone else from the Division or even myself under an assumed name. In fact, the shirt was bought by...some random dude, for the reasons of...well...I'll let you read his e-mail to Doug (who sold the shirt):
"Obviously, there is some explanation in order, or perhaps at least well deserved as to why one so apparently unaffiliated with what you do bought the kickball shirt...
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. My friends and I, following the weekly religious pilgrimage to Astro Burger (at Santa Monica west of La Brea), sat enraptured halfway through another meal from gourmands of first choice. Our once again repeated scentient happiness with our french fries and grilled sandwiches became punctuated by a uniformed group, reminicing of another cooperative battle. They joked, laughed, looked around and checked out who watched them, attempting to preserve some kind of decorum. My friends' bliss, as well as my own, became interrupted not only by the group and their conversation, but also the adolescent caste system forced upon us within formative years. We turned our attutudes towards joking. What were those guys doing?...What the hell are those uniforms? That is an odd group of people, certainly of the majority, and it doesn't look like softball...they're too well organized and none have expectorated on themselves/others. Derisive comments followed. I figured out this group "kicked" as a means of exercising their frustrations. Immediately, they became the butt of jokes.
I had no idea kickball leagues existed. Maybe initiation began following 6th grade and we were only allowed to progress to the ranks of common major four sport exploits. I loved my hockey, but maybe I was not good enough for kickball. I thought junior high schoolers put kickball down as too childish and stupid? One thing struck my emotional core: I encountered the classic dichotomy between embracing the brotherhood of fellow man, a relativism and capacity of individual taste, and the persuasion to regulate those others to a subordinate and less important role than my own. Discrimination. Racism.
"Obviously, there is some explanation in order, or perhaps at least well deserved as to why one so apparently unaffiliated with what you do bought the kickball shirt...
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. My friends and I, following the weekly religious pilgrimage to Astro Burger (at Santa Monica west of La Brea), sat enraptured halfway through another meal from gourmands of first choice. Our once again repeated scentient happiness with our french fries and grilled sandwiches became punctuated by a uniformed group, reminicing of another cooperative battle. They joked, laughed, looked around and checked out who watched them, attempting to preserve some kind of decorum. My friends' bliss, as well as my own, became interrupted not only by the group and their conversation, but also the adolescent caste system forced upon us within formative years. We turned our attutudes towards joking. What were those guys doing?...What the hell are those uniforms? That is an odd group of people, certainly of the majority, and it doesn't look like softball...they're too well organized and none have expectorated on themselves/others. Derisive comments followed. I figured out this group "kicked" as a means of exercising their frustrations. Immediately, they became the butt of jokes.
I had no idea kickball leagues existed. Maybe initiation began following 6th grade and we were only allowed to progress to the ranks of common major four sport exploits. I loved my hockey, but maybe I was not good enough for kickball. I thought junior high schoolers put kickball down as too childish and stupid? One thing struck my emotional core: I encountered the classic dichotomy between embracing the brotherhood of fellow man, a relativism and capacity of individual taste, and the persuasion to regulate those others to a subordinate and less important role than my own. Discrimination. Racism.
Chauvinism. Oft cited sources of uneducated hate and address of a primal human fear of the unknown or unexplained. My roommate who played basketball at the college level very much likes sumblimating the directives of others as unworthy or unneeded. The pangs of adherence to higher moral callings resonated within me, and yet, I partook in the ribbing. After about twenty minutes, I left the kickballers with friends in tow and returned over the hill to my apartment in Sherman Oaks. I heard jokes over the coming weeks when sports related issues arose as I work where I must interface with sports constantly. That guy Radmanovic sucks...he could probably get drafted by the kickball league though...and so forth.
The point is, the monetary contribution functions as a tribute paid to the church of personal redemption for a past misgiving. Kneeling at the altar of judgment may not hurt as forcefully. This truly will pass to others as well, as my roommate has been known to his mother and countless friends in both basketball and hockey leagues for years simply as "Dog". The degradable tangible item will pass to him, though it's message will echo through the ages, as he will retain the actual interest in the jersey. I reached the heights of food and drink, and the base of individual human experience, all because of kickball. Fin.
Back to reality and Southern California, circa 2007 A.D....We saw a team from the league at Astro Burger most likely following a match within the last 6 months and laughed at the kickball league concept. We go to Astro Burger nearly every saturday night near midnight, and of course in that area, you see the full composition of L.A. people - I still have a picture of a very normal 30's guy and his girlfriend pushing around a stroller with a basketball in it. My mother worked at the studios for years and my aunt as an MCA corporate accountant, but I never remember hearing about kickball. I manage a sports memorabilia shop in Woodland Hills and I attend Loyola Law school. With reference to the shop, I am always looking through every corner of ebay, and I couldn't help but laugh when I saw this at the bottom of the Other Autographed Sports Memorabilia category. Strangely, my roommate's only nickname is Dog. The congruity made too much sense, hence it just seemed right to buy this and give it to him.
Forgive the dramatic recount, but it seemed like a funny thing to do when I started writing.
Let me know what to do to make the transaction conclude.
Further, why didn't you guys just whack up the bid so it shows up at the top of the category? I remember some shmoe put his high school shoes up there and bought the category featured option ($20) which made it show up at the very top of a couple of different categories. That would have got you the good ebay publicity for both your players and the league for sure."
The point is, the monetary contribution functions as a tribute paid to the church of personal redemption for a past misgiving. Kneeling at the altar of judgment may not hurt as forcefully. This truly will pass to others as well, as my roommate has been known to his mother and countless friends in both basketball and hockey leagues for years simply as "Dog". The degradable tangible item will pass to him, though it's message will echo through the ages, as he will retain the actual interest in the jersey. I reached the heights of food and drink, and the base of individual human experience, all because of kickball. Fin.
Back to reality and Southern California, circa 2007 A.D....We saw a team from the league at Astro Burger most likely following a match within the last 6 months and laughed at the kickball league concept. We go to Astro Burger nearly every saturday night near midnight, and of course in that area, you see the full composition of L.A. people - I still have a picture of a very normal 30's guy and his girlfriend pushing around a stroller with a basketball in it. My mother worked at the studios for years and my aunt as an MCA corporate accountant, but I never remember hearing about kickball. I manage a sports memorabilia shop in Woodland Hills and I attend Loyola Law school. With reference to the shop, I am always looking through every corner of ebay, and I couldn't help but laugh when I saw this at the bottom of the Other Autographed Sports Memorabilia category. Strangely, my roommate's only nickname is Dog. The congruity made too much sense, hence it just seemed right to buy this and give it to him.
Forgive the dramatic recount, but it seemed like a funny thing to do when I started writing.
Let me know what to do to make the transaction conclude.
Further, why didn't you guys just whack up the bid so it shows up at the top of the category? I remember some shmoe put his high school shoes up there and bought the category featured option ($20) which made it show up at the very top of a couple of different categories. That would have got you the good ebay publicity for both your players and the league for sure."
Game #2 vs. Happy Endings
It's getting to be almost spooky how we do the same things season after season. Our pattern is this:
- Lose the first game
- Play like crap for the first half of the second game, and then turn it around
- Win a bunch of games in a row after that
We've certainly lived up to the first two parts of the pattern. This week we played against Happy Endings, which had been The Royal Blue Balls last Winter season but had taken a couple of seasons off. They also have a few co-stars of a certain forensic-themed, Las Vegas-based hit TV show on their team (I don't want to name names, but the show rhymes with Bee Mess Spy). They were a pretty good team the last time they played, and we knew it would be a pretty good test for us.
Our offense wasn't a problem from the beginning, when we were able to get four runs in the top of the first. But our defense kind of went wonky after that, and we bled some runs away that we absolutely should not have given up (lack of focus, not thinking ahead, etc.)
But then, the same thing happened that seems to always happen in Week 2 of any season when we're suddenly in a close game against a team we should be beating easily - we decided to actually focus and start playing. The result? We went on to win 9-4 and get back on the right track.
Player of the game honors go to Tyler Foster, who kicked two home runs. One of them was kicked so hard that it wound up rolling into the grass field a good 300+ feet from home plate. The other one, I think, was kicked so hard that it went back in time and actually counts as a home run in a game from last season.
Next up: some team...I'm out of town next week at the SXSW Film Festival, so I won't be playing. Obviously, I'm not too concerned about our team's ability to carry on without me.
Note: We're playing the Ponies of Death.
- Lose the first game
- Play like crap for the first half of the second game, and then turn it around
- Win a bunch of games in a row after that
We've certainly lived up to the first two parts of the pattern. This week we played against Happy Endings, which had been The Royal Blue Balls last Winter season but had taken a couple of seasons off. They also have a few co-stars of a certain forensic-themed, Las Vegas-based hit TV show on their team (I don't want to name names, but the show rhymes with Bee Mess Spy). They were a pretty good team the last time they played, and we knew it would be a pretty good test for us.
Our offense wasn't a problem from the beginning, when we were able to get four runs in the top of the first. But our defense kind of went wonky after that, and we bled some runs away that we absolutely should not have given up (lack of focus, not thinking ahead, etc.)
But then, the same thing happened that seems to always happen in Week 2 of any season when we're suddenly in a close game against a team we should be beating easily - we decided to actually focus and start playing. The result? We went on to win 9-4 and get back on the right track.
Player of the game honors go to Tyler Foster, who kicked two home runs. One of them was kicked so hard that it wound up rolling into the grass field a good 300+ feet from home plate. The other one, I think, was kicked so hard that it went back in time and actually counts as a home run in a game from last season.
Next up: some team...I'm out of town next week at the SXSW Film Festival, so I won't be playing. Obviously, I'm not too concerned about our team's ability to carry on without me.
Note: We're playing the Ponies of Death.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Simply awesome
At the bar, Doug from The Valley Girls was insistent on getting me to autograph his shirt. I couldn't figure out why, but now I know - he put it up for sale on eBay. While I don't condone getting an autograph from me for purely financial purposes, all I have to say is that it may be the most hilarious thing I've seen on eBay in a long time.
That thing we do at the start of every season
...which would be lose our Opening Night game, in this case by a score of 5-2 to Sofa King Good. Honestly, I knew this might be our toughest game all year anyway - they are a veteran, very good team from Hollywood, and they came ready to play. And despite any worries that might have been had, their deportment and sportsmanship throughout the game were first-rate. If I were wearing a hat, I would doff it to them.
However, the night was more success than failure. Michael and Ashley set up the Official Awesome Helicopter Ninjas Fan Club (tentatively called "The Army of Awesomeness" in between fields before the game, and put up 50 fliers promoting my autograph session. And there I was, ready to sign glossy headshots and team photos before the game for our adoring fans. And, as suspected, none showed up.
Therefore, comedy ensued. Lots of me (as the disgruntled, egotistical superstar) getting upset and blaming Michael (as the hapless promoter/manager) making excuses and apologizing. And the obligatory recreation of the "Artie Fufkin from Polymor Records" scene from "This is Spinal Tap".
But, by the end of the night, I think we had signed up at least 75 percent of our own team for the Fan Club, which may not sound like much, but you need to start with your local fan base. After all, Cheap Trick was big in Chicago before they became famous worldwide. (Also, they were famous in the Japan before they were famous anywhere else in the US...and we're the Ninjas. Coincidence?)
Good times were had by all. Exceot for that whole losing thing, which was kind of a downer.
However, the night was more success than failure. Michael and Ashley set up the Official Awesome Helicopter Ninjas Fan Club (tentatively called "The Army of Awesomeness" in between fields before the game, and put up 50 fliers promoting my autograph session. And there I was, ready to sign glossy headshots and team photos before the game for our adoring fans. And, as suspected, none showed up.
Therefore, comedy ensued. Lots of me (as the disgruntled, egotistical superstar) getting upset and blaming Michael (as the hapless promoter/manager) making excuses and apologizing. And the obligatory recreation of the "Artie Fufkin from Polymor Records" scene from "This is Spinal Tap".
But, by the end of the night, I think we had signed up at least 75 percent of our own team for the Fan Club, which may not sound like much, but you need to start with your local fan base. After all, Cheap Trick was big in Chicago before they became famous worldwide. (Also, they were famous in the Japan before they were famous anywhere else in the US...and we're the Ninjas. Coincidence?)
Good times were had by all. Exceot for that whole losing thing, which was kind of a downer.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Opening Night
There is nothing like the pageantry of opening night, especially with the Ninjas. But this Opening Night is extra special, because we're launching perhaps the largest fan outreach campaign in North American kickball history. Because Monday night marks the launch of The Official Awesome Helicopter Ninjas Fan Club.
You heard right - now is your chance to join Ninja Nation. When you join the AHN Fan Club, you'll receive exclusive news, entertainment and stuff directly from the Ninjas themselves. It's our way of "giving back" to the greatest fans in kickball by giving a little something of ourselves to you.
Keep checking back for more information on how to join the Fan Club. Or, you can show up on Monday for our Opening Night game against Sofa King Good at 7:15 p.m. Starting at around 6 p.m., yours truly (the Duke of Kickball) will be at the AHN Fan Club booth, meeting the fans and signing autographs. I'm really excited, since I don't get a lot of chances to interact with the public, and even though you all do kind of scare me a little bit (so many germs!), with the help of my handlers, I should have a "good" time.
See you there!
You heard right - now is your chance to join Ninja Nation. When you join the AHN Fan Club, you'll receive exclusive news, entertainment and stuff directly from the Ninjas themselves. It's our way of "giving back" to the greatest fans in kickball by giving a little something of ourselves to you.
Keep checking back for more information on how to join the Fan Club. Or, you can show up on Monday for our Opening Night game against Sofa King Good at 7:15 p.m. Starting at around 6 p.m., yours truly (the Duke of Kickball) will be at the AHN Fan Club booth, meeting the fans and signing autographs. I'm really excited, since I don't get a lot of chances to interact with the public, and even though you all do kind of scare me a little bit (so many germs!), with the help of my handlers, I should have a "good" time.
See you there!
Season schedule announced!
Finally, the WAKA Studio Division has released the schedule for this season. So, mark your calendars with the games that you want to attend, although really, you should be coming to root on your Ninjas at every game, regardless of which opponent we're defeating. Seriously, true fans show up to every game.
Here's the schedule, with the first game starting tomorrow (Monday) night:
Feb. 26 - vs. Sofa King Good, 7:15 p.m.
March 5 - vs. Happy Endings, 8:05 p.m.
March 12 - vs. Ponies of Death, 8:05 p.m.
March 19 - vs. Warner Pros., 7:15 p. m.
March 26 - vs. Redrum, 7:15 p.m. (interconference game)
April 2 - vs. Mean Girls and Boys Next Door, 7:15 p.m.
April 9 - vs. Hype, 8:05 p.m.
April 16 - vs. Smurfageddon, 8:05 p.m.
Group and family packages are available. Tickets are now on sale at the North Hollywood Recreation Center box office and at all Ticketmaster locations.
Here's the schedule, with the first game starting tomorrow (Monday) night:
Feb. 26 - vs. Sofa King Good, 7:15 p.m.
March 5 - vs. Happy Endings, 8:05 p.m.
March 12 - vs. Ponies of Death, 8:05 p.m.
March 19 - vs. Warner Pros., 7:15 p. m.
March 26 - vs. Redrum, 7:15 p.m. (interconference game)
April 2 - vs. Mean Girls and Boys Next Door, 7:15 p.m.
April 9 - vs. Hype, 8:05 p.m.
April 16 - vs. Smurfageddon, 8:05 p.m.
Group and family packages are available. Tickets are now on sale at the North Hollywood Recreation Center box office and at all Ticketmaster locations.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Conference draft
The new season starts in a couple of weeks, and the Division is deciding to do something different this year. Because we are going to have a full 16 teams, Michael came up with the idea to split the teams into two conferences. Basically, you would play each team from your conference once in the regular season, as well as one "interconference" game against a team from the other conference. The playoffs would be like any pro sport - each conference has their own playoffs to determine a conference/league champion, with those two teams meeting in the finals (AFC vs. NFC, AL vs. NL, etc.) Basically, it was a way to do something different, and hopefully create some bonding between teams that play in the same conference (i.e. you would so up to the title game and root for the team from your conference.)
The "draft" was Monday night at the bar after the pick-up game: Michael and Alan from Redrum (the new Board President) randomly drew names from a hat, placing each team on the board to represent each conference. Now, for the record, I suggested having at least two pools of teams - one veteran teams and one new teams - and doing each separately, so that the veteran and new teams would be divided as easily as possible. But, everyone thought that was too complicated.
So what happened? As is usually the case when something is done "random", the results appeared none-to-random. All of the major veteran teams (Valley Girls, Redrum, Wonderballz, Uno Mas, Trey Stafford Explosion, Pregnant Cheerleaders, etc.) were placed in one conference...except for The Ninjas, who are in the other Division. Now, our Division does include the former Royal Blue Ballers (now called Happy Endings), who we beat in the semifinals our first championship year but have taken a few seasons off. There are also at least two teams coming over from Hollywood, and one (Sofa King Good) is a very good team.
Still...it certainly looks like we got a ridiculously easy draw while the other veteran teams got shafted on an idea that a Ninja had. Since we're the big, bad bully in our Conference, I'm sure we're going to be the bad guys all season just because of certain perceptions. If that's what happens, so be it - we'll just play that up by being the best villains we can be.
Also, expect some BIG announcements in the coming weeks before the start of the season that will have a definite impact on you, the AHN fan.
The "draft" was Monday night at the bar after the pick-up game: Michael and Alan from Redrum (the new Board President) randomly drew names from a hat, placing each team on the board to represent each conference. Now, for the record, I suggested having at least two pools of teams - one veteran teams and one new teams - and doing each separately, so that the veteran and new teams would be divided as easily as possible. But, everyone thought that was too complicated.
So what happened? As is usually the case when something is done "random", the results appeared none-to-random. All of the major veteran teams (Valley Girls, Redrum, Wonderballz, Uno Mas, Trey Stafford Explosion, Pregnant Cheerleaders, etc.) were placed in one conference...except for The Ninjas, who are in the other Division. Now, our Division does include the former Royal Blue Ballers (now called Happy Endings), who we beat in the semifinals our first championship year but have taken a few seasons off. There are also at least two teams coming over from Hollywood, and one (Sofa King Good) is a very good team.
Still...it certainly looks like we got a ridiculously easy draw while the other veteran teams got shafted on an idea that a Ninja had. Since we're the big, bad bully in our Conference, I'm sure we're going to be the bad guys all season just because of certain perceptions. If that's what happens, so be it - we'll just play that up by being the best villains we can be.
Also, expect some BIG announcements in the coming weeks before the start of the season that will have a definite impact on you, the AHN fan.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Boise St.
If anyone didn't see The Fiesta Bowl last week, it was perhaps the greatest football game I've ever seen. Boise St. defeated Oklahoma 43-42 after the craziest series of ending you could imagine. After watching the game, I've decided that even though I am a huge USC football fan, there is no doubt in my mind that Boise St. is the obvious choice as the Official College Football Team of The Awesome Helicopter Ninjas. Why? Several reasons:
Being Underdogs - Much like the Ninjas before our first championship, the Broncos were the huge underdog in the Fiesta Bowl. They come from a conference (the WAC) that is not perceived as a power conference, and they don't recruit big-name athletes. Meanwhile, Oklahoma is one of the biggest names in college football, and perennially recruits the best high school players in the country. But Boise St. showed that by playing smart and working as a team, you can overcome disadvantages of raw athletic talent.
The Blue Field - Boise St. plays on a blue field. Normally, this might be considered a downside for me, since it's commonally referred to as "Smurf Turf", and another team in our Division might want to claim that as their own. But for me, I love the concept of deciding to make your turf blue "just because" they wanted to be different than every other team with artifical turf, who always have green fields (in an attempt to make the field look more like natural grass - silly, since if you want that, just HAVE real grass...)
The Trick Plays - The No. 1 reason. Boise St. scored the game-tying touchdown on a "hook and ladder" play. It's the type of play you try to run in a sandlot football game when you're 12, and it never works. So there's certainly no reason to call it on 4th and 18 with one minute left in the biggest game of your school's history when you trail by a touchdown.
Then, in overtime and trailing by seven, they scored a touchdown again on fourth down, this time by snapping the ball to a WR (who went in the backfield as the QB went in motion), who then threw a pass to the tight end in the end zone. And if this doesn't prove that Boise St.'s coach doesn't have balls the size of the potatoes his state is so well known for, they decide to go for a two-point conversion instead of kicking an extra point and starting a new overtime session - either winning or losing the game on the next play.
And then, they run the freaking Statue of Liberty play! And it works! The best part is that they actually practice this play during the week. And they ran it with their season on the line, even though their own coach admitted that IT NEVER WORKS IN PRACTICE!
I can't think of another college football team that combines the spirit of competition, the joy for having fun and the sheer "Who Gives A Fuck" ability to pull things out of their ass like Boise St. does, which matches the Ninjas to a T. Now, if we could get Boise St. to incorporate some smoke bombs into a play...
Being Underdogs - Much like the Ninjas before our first championship, the Broncos were the huge underdog in the Fiesta Bowl. They come from a conference (the WAC) that is not perceived as a power conference, and they don't recruit big-name athletes. Meanwhile, Oklahoma is one of the biggest names in college football, and perennially recruits the best high school players in the country. But Boise St. showed that by playing smart and working as a team, you can overcome disadvantages of raw athletic talent.
The Blue Field - Boise St. plays on a blue field. Normally, this might be considered a downside for me, since it's commonally referred to as "Smurf Turf", and another team in our Division might want to claim that as their own. But for me, I love the concept of deciding to make your turf blue "just because" they wanted to be different than every other team with artifical turf, who always have green fields (in an attempt to make the field look more like natural grass - silly, since if you want that, just HAVE real grass...)
The Trick Plays - The No. 1 reason. Boise St. scored the game-tying touchdown on a "hook and ladder" play. It's the type of play you try to run in a sandlot football game when you're 12, and it never works. So there's certainly no reason to call it on 4th and 18 with one minute left in the biggest game of your school's history when you trail by a touchdown.
Then, in overtime and trailing by seven, they scored a touchdown again on fourth down, this time by snapping the ball to a WR (who went in the backfield as the QB went in motion), who then threw a pass to the tight end in the end zone. And if this doesn't prove that Boise St.'s coach doesn't have balls the size of the potatoes his state is so well known for, they decide to go for a two-point conversion instead of kicking an extra point and starting a new overtime session - either winning or losing the game on the next play.
And then, they run the freaking Statue of Liberty play! And it works! The best part is that they actually practice this play during the week. And they ran it with their season on the line, even though their own coach admitted that IT NEVER WORKS IN PRACTICE!
I can't think of another college football team that combines the spirit of competition, the joy for having fun and the sheer "Who Gives A Fuck" ability to pull things out of their ass like Boise St. does, which matches the Ninjas to a T. Now, if we could get Boise St. to incorporate some smoke bombs into a play...
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Ultimate Fighting Moves That Sound Like Things Found in XXX Movies
- Rear Naked Choke
- Fishhooking
- Side Mount
- Ground & Pound
- Small Joint Manipulation
- Leg Lock
- Head Butt
- Kimura Lock
- Front Roll
- Inner Lion Throw
- Scarf Hold Submissions
- Cobra Arm Wrap Strangle
- Cross Buttock
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
List of Beatles Song Titles if They Were Named After Major League Shortstops of the 1970s
- Dal Maxvill’s Silver Hammer
- Gene Alley You Need Is Love
- The Tim Foli on the Hill
- Everybody’s Got Something to Hide (Except for Me and Denis Menke)
- The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill Russell
- Marty Perez My Dear
- Got to Get Larvell Blanks Into My Life
- Helter Mick Kelleher
- Lovely Rick Burleson (Meter Maid)
- Hey Ivan DeJesus
- Jimmy Sexton Sadie
- Bill Almon (Go To Him)
- Get Rick Auerbach
- And I Love Toby Harrah
- The Ballad of John and Kiko Garcia
- Being for the Benefit of Mr. Don Kessinger
- Freddie Patek is the Walrus
- Larry Bowa in the Sky with Diamonds
- Mean Mr. Rance Mulliniks
- Nelson Norman Wood (This Bird Has Flown)
- Polythene Pat Rockett
- Pepe Frias as a Bird
- Tom Veryzer Never Knows
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