Winter 2008. Game 1 vs. Redrum

So, it was the first week of game. Oh, no! Another intense match up vs. Redrum. Yawn. We played. We lost. It's all cool, baby.

I'm over it. I'm sure they are over it. No one really cares about this anymore. The last few games have all been two run affairs. With less tension than Ahsley's weave.

First off, I'd like to welcome all the new Awesome Helicopter Ninjas to the team. Most of them were there last night, which was pretty boner-iffic, if you ask me.

NEW NINJAS

Alicia - She played with me on the Cagey Bees and is Paul's (from the much hated Valley Girls) roommate. Paul also played with me on the Cagey Bees and is one of my closest friends, so yeah. Fuck that guy! Alicia likes pirates, but i'm ignoring that for now.

David - David is a transplant from a Studio team, the Mean Girls 'n Boys Next Door. He ALSO played with me on the Cagey Bees (see, I had a Monopoly going, which is ironic...when my team was Communist themed, but whatever). Dave is a fuckin' powerhouse. A damned dynamo! Dave is that guy who will kick the ball over the moon but can also bunt like a madman. This guy can do it all. His arm is a cannon, that is made of three cannons. I could go on all day.

James - James had a nickname before he was even on the team. It's a secret, so don't ask. He's a real cool dude who will get more tail than anyone in the division. He was super pissed off that he kicked two pop flys last night. As he should be. We expect AWESOME things from him.

Jenn - Already, guys are lining up to hit on her. And those guys are lining up to hit on each other (physically) to be in that line. She never played a game of kickball in her life and in the first game got on base with a beauty of a single, and advanced to 2nd.

Jeremy - Jeremy was the one no-show on Monday. He will be punished. Probably by having to kick first next week. We're not sure. Jeremy is one half of a set of twins, which means there may be some fucking awesome shenanigans if his brother shows up to the park. Oh, you know we will.

Joe - This guy played ball with Scott on the team, back in high-school. I have no doubts about him. You know those guys you look at and say "Yeah, I don't have to worry". That's the feeling I get from Joe.

Melanie - Another friend of Pauls. Mel did some Tripple A work up in San Fran before coming down to LA. I told her where to kick the ball on Monday and she said "I usually kick down the other base line". She ended up kicking it exactly where I told her to. She got out, but that's not the point. The point is, she is money!

Melinda - Like Jenn, another first timer. And another with a perfect on base percentage. What is it with these two?! Does being awesome only come in pairs? Oh, me thinks so.

So, yeah. Welcome to the team. You're Welcome.

SHENANIGANS

As for Shenanigans, we had a bunch. First off was skipping the opening ceremonies to drink in the parking lot from Adam's magic punch. Things no one wanted to see included the Valley Girls giant cardboard trophy. Well, at least they've peaked. Enjoy fellas!

As WAKA now has an official sponsor, Jolt Energy Drink, which are advertising as...well, could you expect any less...as a tramp stamp on the lower back of the t-shirt, we also felt that this needed addressing. The Awesome Helicopter Ninjas are now sponsored by a myriad of companies, including McDonald's, Coca-Cola, Wynn Hotels, Shell, Crown Royal, the Masons and about a dozen other companies that want to get in on some of the action. I don't blame 'em. Even if they didn't know about it.

Redrum got a bit of the action as well. Clark "The so-close-to-being-an-Awesome-Helicopter-Ninja-but-didn't-know-how-to-sign-up-two-or-so-years-ago-and-was-defaulted-to-a-team-that-would-eventually-become-Redrum" Hill is our friend and he sells homes. Go to www.clarksellshomes.com if you don't believe me (See, Clark. Free advertising). Anyway, he's adorable and is always handing out business cards. So, we did too.

We handed out clarksellshoes.com business cards. And clarksellshoes business cards. Richard created one for me which was michaelsellsclarkshomes.com. It was pretty fun. I hope he kept them.

Finally, as we were playing Redrum, and as their infamously slow and methodical pitcher Dave Mauch had left the team to go home to Virginia, we had to pay some sort of tribute to their fallen time-waster. I removed the sleeves of my shirt, and purchased some of his trademark under-armor bodywear and enjoyed slowing down the game from the opening pitch. It was nice to see that Redrum got the joke, and that they played along by doing a traditional count, as I molested the ball in my hands on the mound.

Best night of Ninja kickball since I can't remember when. And that was with a loss! Fuck you, everybody!